I’m seriously struggling today. My mind cant slow down from running in every direction. I am so torn from reacting like I want to instead of how I should. Last night, I actually walked out of an officer’s meeting in a Christian organization I belong to. You see, my group has a monthly newsletter that the officers are expected to submit the articles too. I was asked numerous times to turn in my article specifically about the women’s retreat that I had just attended a month ago. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but let’s just say that it was not the best experience for many of us and we didn’t want to discuss it. Simply because we didn’t want to come across negative it was better to keep quiet. I wrote my article about my personal experience and even said that I needed the weekend to focus on God but that Satan knew it and took it from there. I mentioned that it was not a complete flop and the speakers were very good. I added many verses from the bible that truly spoke to me about the situation and said that I know we were there for a reason. God is in control no matter what and HE has his plans for us that we don’t have to understand but just TRUST in.
Well last night in the meeting, I wasn’t there 5 minutes when I was informed that my article was too negative and that the newsletter editor was going to edit it and change it around. I then said to yank it because it’s either my own words or nothing at all. I am not going to have someone alter my feelings I was writing about. Then as the meeting got started, our chapter president announced that nothing negative will ever go in our newsletter and if anyone wanted to vent, the officers meeting is the place to get it out. Myself and another lady who was there at the meeting and also the retreat was asked to discuss what happened. The chapter had noticed that 5 of our ladies came back from retreat but not one person wanted to gush about it instead we chose silence. The president still never actually read my article before he told the editor to change it. What happened next was that he mocked me in front of all 20 people in the meeting. I’m already taking the longest time to get to my point and I’m not going to get into all details. The bottom line is that I have always kept it real folks. We’re always wanting our chapter to grow with new people and many of our members are new Believers. Our mission is to witness to the biker community and anyone else that could use a prayer. I don’t know about you but I would think for a new person, it would be refreshing to know that every day is not rainbows and unicorns. My article was sharing that Satan had a firm grip on me and that I fought everyday to beat him and see GOD next to me. I don’t see that as being negative, I see it as being real.
My heart just hurts that in a Christian group and surrounding last night, I was ridiculed and mocked. I am so ANGRY! My reaction is to sell every single shirt, vest, hat, etc from the group and walk away. I know deep down that I need this group because they normally surround me with prayer and love. It’s too soon to attend the bowling tournament we’re having this weekend but I’ll go to the group’s monthly meeting next week. I know that our president is human and Satan attacks anyone he wants. I have to calm down and forgive more than ever.
On a good note, I’m going to see Willie Nelson tonight and I’m very excited for that.
Sorry for this post if it seems negative but it’s my blog and I will cry if I want to!