I’m linking up with Bonnie over at Faith Barista. Every Thursday she has Jam With Me Thursday’s. She post’s a topic every week. This week is a letter to God.
I feel your presence most of the time and I’m grateful for that. I know you must think to yourself ” whoa I got a live wire here” as I ramble on to you all throughout the day. That’s what I love about you the most. I can talk and talk and I know you’re there listening. I’m never alone. I do sometimes feel that you must be distracted listening to the rest of the world when I’m praying to you about my Dad. I understand that you have a plan and then you’re in control. I get that. Why are you ok with me getting so sad then to the point where I’m mad at you? My Dad is so full of life and he has a purpose in my world. To watch him continually struggle with his lung disease and be confined to a wheelchair is too much for me to take sometimes. Dad is only going to be 63 in November and he’s looking so much older now. My stepmom is amazing by running the ranch, taking care of Dad fulltime and also working as an account manager fulltime in her career. She told me last week that she also feels that you are ignoring her pleas and prayers for healing. I know you were right next to me when I responded to her with “Be patient and Trust in HIM”. I was thinking to myself, I’m telling her to Trust but I am not doing that myself. I feel guilty when I get so mad at you but I also know you have thick skin and you can take it. Luckily, my anger doesn’t last but a few minutes and then you’re there to remind me how blessed I really am.
I cant even imagine what life would be like without you in it. What I’m asking is for you to speak louder. I’ve practically been slapped in the head by you a few times when I was asking for you direction and I listened. What am I doing wrong now? Am I not being still enough to see or hear you? My family is in such despair and desperation and you’re our ONLY answer. That’s a lot of pressure but you’re the Miracle Worker. We’ve used up all the resources for treatments and so now we are just putting it in your hands totally. Not like we didn’t already. I know that you were there to provide what he’s received so far.
This month has been really rough physically, emotionally, financially and all around. It’s because of my Faith in you that has kept my chin up. I’m just telling you that I adore you and worship you but that doesn’t mean I cant have a temper tantrum every now and then and talk back to you. It’s not like I ever win any of our arguments. You and I have our best talks every day on my way home from work so we’ll continue this conversation later. By the way, I love you so much.