Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dear God- Jam With Me Thursdays

I’m linking up with Bonnie over at Faith Barista. Every Thursday she has Jam With Me Thursday’s. She post’s a topic every week. This week is a letter to God.



Dear God,
I feel your presence most of the time and I’m grateful for that.  I know you must think to yourself ” whoa I got a live wire here” as I ramble on to you all throughout the day. That’s what I love about you the most. I can talk and talk and I know you’re there listening. I’m never alone.  I do sometimes feel that you must be distracted listening to the rest of the world when I’m praying to you about my Dad.  I understand that you have a plan and then you’re in control. I get that.  Why are you ok with me getting so sad then to the point where I’m mad at you? My Dad is so full of life and he has a purpose in my world. To watch him continually struggle with his lung disease and be confined to a wheelchair is too much for me to take sometimes. Dad is only going to be 63 in November and he’s looking so much older now.  My stepmom is amazing by running the ranch, taking care of Dad fulltime and also working as an account manager fulltime in her career.  She told me last week that she also feels that you are ignoring her pleas and prayers for healing. I know you were  right next to me when I responded to her with “Be patient and Trust in HIM”.  I  was thinking to myself, I’m telling her to Trust but I am not doing that myself. I feel guilty when I get so mad at you but I also know you have thick skin and you can take it.  Luckily, my anger doesn’t last but a few minutes and then you’re there to remind me how blessed I really am.  
I cant even imagine what life would be like without you in it.  What I’m asking is for you to speak louder.  I’ve practically been slapped in the head by you a few times when I was asking for you direction and I listened.  What am I doing wrong now? Am I not being still enough to see or hear you? My family is in such despair and desperation and you’re our ONLY answer. That’s a lot of pressure but you’re the Miracle Worker. We’ve used up all the resources for treatments and so now we are just putting it in your hands totally. Not like we didn’t already. I know that you were there to provide what he’s received so far.
 This month has been really rough physically, emotionally, financially and all around. It’s because of my Faith in you that has kept my chin up. I’m just telling you that I adore you and worship you but that doesn’t mean I cant have a temper tantrum every now and then and talk back to you. It’s not like I ever win any of our arguments.  You and I have our best talks every day on my way home from work so we’ll continue this conversation later.  By the way, I love you so much.

8 comments:

  1. Holli, this is so raw and personal.
    I feel like I've just witnessed a couple's fight.
    and I love that... because it proves that you have a true relationship with God.
    Keep on just like you are. I'm lifting you and your family up in prayer right now!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Brooke. I really appreciate all prayers for my sweet Dad and family. We need them now and wont turn any offers down for sure for prayers.

      Delete
  2. You've got a young dad - I am sorry to hear of his and your struggle.

    Thank you for visiting - cute blog header and button.

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, I am feeling for you right now Holli. It is so hard to see our parents in distress. It is aggravating when we have no control over things as well. I will put you and your family in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's always on honor for anyone to pray for me and my family. Thank you so much for those prayers.

      Delete
  4. He esteems the prayers we lift in truth. I am so grateful for that. Praying for you all.
    Stopped by from the faith jam. Melinda

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dearest Holli, You recently left a sweet comment on my blog & it made my day. I'm enjoying my visit here - especially this heart-felt letter. I feel very emotionally moved by your sentiments about your dad. My mom died a few years ago, followed a year later by my mother-in-law who I also loved as my own mom. My heart goes out to you. It is SO hard to watch a loved one suffer. I used to pray to God that if there was something I had to learn before my mom could pass away, that He would help me hurry & learn it - so that she could be relieved of her suffering. I know that He hears you & things that seem to last so long to us are really short in an eternal perspective. Christ suffers with us & we are not alone. I pray that you & your father receive peace & comfort.

    Warmly, Michelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry for your losses. I know we are not alone but i just cant help but get frustrated when i see my Dad suffer for so long. Your prayers are very much appreciated. I do trust whole heartedly in HIM ( most of the time ) :)

      Delete

I LOVE comments!!!!