Wednesday, June 24, 2015

All i got is this Photograph

I came across a blogger (Robin) who blogs at Your Daily Dose. Her blog posts are based on soundtrack of her life.  I immediately was a follower because well y'all know how much I love music and have a strong connection to songs and lyrics. I feel like in some ways many of my posts fall into that category.  Since last weekend was Father's Day , I am still thinking of dear ol Dad.  A memory that I have that still chokes me up takes me back to 1979. I was in junior high and we were living in San Jose, California.  We lived in a gated condo area and it was walking distance to a grocery store. That was both good and bad for me.  Good when I wanted to be away from my one year old little brother and mom needed me to ride my bike to pick something up. Bad when Mom wanted some time alone and made me push my brother in the stroller around the shopping center.  Keep in mind yall, these were the days when kids could walk and ride and skateboard farther than a few blocks without having CPS called. 
Anyway, I must have really been missing Daddy in a bad way because I saw this man in one of the aisles of the grocery store and for a full minute, I seriously thought he was my dad.  I had not seen Daddy in over a year and he had a full beard and just shy of his shoulder length hair when I saw him last.  Keep in mind this was still the 70's.   I shouted Daddy and of course the stranger kept walking. I followed him down the next aisle and walked right up to him and said Dad. The poor guy looked at me like I was crazy and then I muttered " oh sorry- I thought you were my dad" then turned around and ran off. I started crying and cried the whole time I paid for the items in line and cried all the way home. I didn't want my mom mad at me for crying which not sure why she would be so I lied and told her a bug flew in my eyes and made them water.  It didn't matter that I actually  thought daddy could be in my town , in my state, in my grocery store without telling me.  In those minutes, everything seemed logical.  Shaking my head now.
Sometimes I think back and realize that Divorce can leave tiny little hooks in you here and there. When you get snagged on one of those hooks you remember that life can fray like those ends of a shirt that you yank meaning to pull off but instead if unravels and makes the string 3 times as long and damage to the shirt.
A song that takes me back to this moment is by Ringo Starr ( of the Beatles) when he did his solo work. The song is about a man in love with a woman but it was popular when i was young and it still makes me think of that memory of missing Daddy.
Have a great day y'all!!

14 comments:

  1. Hi, dear Holli! First of all, I love this recording by Ringo and have it in my personal collection these many years along with another of his hits "It Don't Come Easy." This is a very touching and well written story, dear friend. I can tell how hard it was for you to be a child of divorce, how much you missed your father and wished and wished that things could go back to the way they were. The mirage in the store reveals your mental state. There have been times when I have set logic aside in the same manner, seeing what I wanted to see, what I needed to see, something that wasn't there. It is very painful when you must face reality and let go of the fantasy.

    Thank you for sharing this soundtrack story with us today, dear friend Holli, and enjoy the rest of your week!

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    1. I also enjoy It don't Come Easy. Did you see him when he got inducted to the Rock nRoll hall of fame? He's so funny and real. They had other drummers talk about what an influence Ringo was to them. Very cool!
      Divorce sucks. There is no easy way around it. I am mostly grateful for the experiences it brought to me. I moved out of state to California due to my stepdads job. That's a win! I loved everything about living in Cali except of course missing my family in Texas. Sad moments happen to everyone and some memories stick around more than others.
      Thank you for your sweet comments and sentiments. They really make my day.

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    2. Ringo always comes across as a genuinely nice guy and I have always admired him. Gosh, you made my day, too, dear Holli, with your visit to my blog and this lovely reply to my comment. Thank you! :)

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  2. I love Robin's soundtrack posts as well.

    Your story really broke my heart. I can relate to this. My parents divorced when I was 14 and my dad moved to Michigan to start a new life. For a while there, I hadn't talked to him for two years.

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  3. I've always found that song to be so sad. I'm so lucky with having both my parents around when I was little. I'm familiar with Robin's blog. As a parent now, I realize how much kids appreciate just having you there every day.

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  4. Awe that is a sad story and so very relevant for me today because today is the 2nd anniversary of my Dad's passing. I need to check out Robin's blog.

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  5. That is so sad! I can relate.

    My biological Dad abandoned my mother and I when I was a year old and she was pregnant with another child. My step-Dad adopted me, so he is Dad for all intents and purposes - but he drank and was abusive. When Bio-Dad reappeared in my twenties (briefly), he just added to the wealth of bad feelings. Then he disappeared again till he was dying of cancer and wanted to lean heavily on "his girl." I was nice to him till he died, but I am permanently jaded about self-centered, self-serving people who don't ever consider the feelings of others.

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    1. I just wanted you to know that I read this with great interest and compassion, dear friend.

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  6. I enjoyed Ringo's solo work too. It seems to be an excellent song choice given your situation of that time. I am especially grateful that as an adult we have more awareness, and better tools to help us heal. Being a child without understanding brings great pain - such as you've stated here. I pray you'll continue learning, growing, and moving forward in all endeavors, to take care of yourself. To defeat this past, live well today, (smile).

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  7. I had the 45. One of those songs with happy-peppy music and chilling lyrics. You're expecting me to live without you/Well, that's not something that I'm looking forward to... I wish I could give that little girl a hug.

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  8. Well hell.

    That was one heck of a story. Divorce is hard on kids. Parents who decide they can't go on together should work harder to make it as easy as possible on the kids. Unfortunately, it often doesn't happen that way. They're too caught up in their own drama. Issues. Pain. Whatever. No parent should be gone that long from their kid's life. I know it happens. A lot. But, it shouldn't.

    <<<---Sometimes I think back and realize that Divorce can leave tiny little hooks in you here and there. When you get snagged on one of those hooks you remember that life can fray like those ends of a shirt that you yank meaning to pull off but instead if unravels and makes the string 3 times as long and damage to the shirt.

    Well said. It made me think of this song. Have you heard it before?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbL1LptZ8Vc

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  9. The eternal hope of a child is an amazing thing. I've seen loved ones deal with divorce many, many years after their parents split up. Likewise, I lost my father to cancer when I was only 15. Five years later I lost a sister to snake bite. Three years later I lost Mama to a stroke. I went through some struggles from so many loses so close. At least with death there is an enemy to be mad at besides a parent or parents you loved. With death, people are ripped out of our lives. There are questions that follow, but there is something more hauntingly troubling in many childrens' minds when it comes to divorce. - If I'd have been better, they'd of stayed together. - If they really loved me, they would have stayed together. Thoughts that can seem to make so much sense to child that doesn't yet know the ways of a heart or the perils, pitfalls and temptations that adults face. I think maybe what I'm trying to say is that even a child can accept that death is final, but with divorce in some small corner of their heart they always dream or hope of reconciliation.

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  10. This is so strange. I was just listening to music on my computer from my Amazon cloud. I had recently heard a song and had downloaded it and it is called "Photograph" by Ed Sheeran. It is very touching video. ((HUGS))

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