Friday, February 12, 2016

January can suck it! Its good to be back (kinda) .....

So today is February 12th and Daddy passed on January 12th. Its been a month but it feels as if it was only an hour ago. Still very raw and hard and impossible to swallow.  I am going through the motions of getting up, getting dressed , going to work, feeding the dogs, etc but i feel like i'm in a fog.  I can just tell you that February couldn't get here quick enough.  For some of you that have been around my blog longer than a year , yall know that my stepdad Don passed away last year on January 4.  Now i have my lost both my dad's in January. How crazy is that?!!  I mentioned in my last post that i also was diagnosed with pneumonia.  I think its gone but honestly i haven't been back to the Dr to check.  A week after Dad's funeral, on a Friday,Todd started complaining of some pain in his stomach area. That next Sunday morning he woke me up groaning and moaning loudly in bed. I shot out of bed and i took him to emergency room. He had a blocked gallbladder. Fast forward to the next Friday , he had surgery to remove the gallbladder.  So i was at a hospital pretty much the month of January it felt to me. 
The first week of February, i had to fly into Ohio to work the week at one of our centers there to do some training.  That week was kinda hard being alone every night in the hotel. I cried every night and couldn't stop thinking about Daddy. The weather was weird that week in Loveland. We had snow flurries for a whole day but none of it stuck. I was so happy to see my first snow of the year since Texas didn't get any.
Lots of changes at work and i didn't feel any stress with the merger happening until lately.  I cant really talk about it now but i hate to worry about work and that adds more stress.
Daddy was a musician and he played everything from rock to country.  Surprisingly , many songs on the radio right now trigger a memory and i have to change the station.  What I've been listening to lately is Christian music. I know that Dad didn't listen to those channels.  There a few songs that i have to skip through like I can Only Imagine by MercyMe. Oh no way will i listen to that right now!
I came across a band that i had never heard before by the name of Needtobreathe.  One day i used Shazam on a song and it was Brother. The next week i Shazamed another song and it was the same band but different song Multiplied.  Then i fell in love with song Something Beautiful. So i am really excited that i found this band and there are so many great songs by them.  Their sound reminds me of a rock band Kings of Leon.  What do you think?
So i wanted to share these with you. 



I have missed my blogging friends and i have missed blogging.  Ironically , almost 5 years ago i created this blog when Daddy first got sick with his lung disease. I did it as an outlet. I'm glad i did because your sweet comments and support have meant the world to me.  I am going to try to get back into regular routing again.  Much love and have a great weekend y'all!!

20 comments:

  1. You have been through so much in such a short period of time. I pray you do not get overwhelmed with everything and can just take things as they come. I know you are blessed with a strong support system and that is so important when times get tough. I have been keeping you close in thought and prayer.

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    1. Thank you Deb! Its been hard not getting so overwhelmed and I've had some really bad days. I went 2 days so far without crying though so maybe I'm getting better. Not sure.

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  2. Much love to you, dear Holli! It's good to know that you felt up to posting something after all these weeks. Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. I am very sorry to learn that you had a scare with Todd. I'm glad he's AOK and recovering from his operation. Hopefully, all of the tragedies and other stressors are behind you now and your life can eventually regain some semblance of normalcy.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the band Needtobreathe. They have a powerful sound that's big as the sky!

    I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend Holli!

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    1. Shadester- thank you for the continued prayers and thoughts. I feel them. Todd is recovering fine and i really do hope the worst is behind me now after January.
      Take care!

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  3. I have been thinking of you Holli! Grief is tough! Much love and prayers to you!!

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    1. Thank you Paula. Grief IS tough and its sucks. I know that you know.

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  4. Good to see you on here. I hope you will have peace in your heart.

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    1. I am slowly getting there. Thank you

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  5. Great to see you back, Holli! I've been concerned about you and I understand (totally) how hard it is to get back in the groove of things. I'm still trying, girl. We'll get there. You've been through a lot of stuff. Try this song on for a life - I love it.

    He Loves Us

    Hugs and love, Holli!

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    1. I love that song!!! Thank you for that.
      Yes its hard getting back in the groove but I'm not giving up. I'll get there eventually.
      Hugs and love to you sweet friend.

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  6. My dad died on Memorial Day. The date is a bit different every year, but to me it's always Memorial Day that makes me think of his death. It's been about 25 years. It's still hard. I try to distract myself on Memorial Day, while still thinking about what a great man he was. One of the best things in the world is that my son looks like him, but with different coloring.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I'm so sorry for your loss of your dad as well. It is so hard regardless of when we lost them. Very cool that your son resembles him. Genetics is amazing!

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    2. My son is tall and thin like my dad. Although they spent very little time together, my son's facial expressions and voice are like my dad's. But my dad had a dark complexion and black hair. My son's coloring is like my Norwegian relatives with their dark red hair.

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  7. Fog lifts. Life moves on. Memories become precious pearls after the layers of pain are polished.

    (Now that was damn good after half a bottle of the non-famous Martin homebrew!)

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  8. I don't know why some months become recurring. People in my family tend to pass in May. Heck if I know why, but it's gotten to the point that as May approaches I want to strap on my seat belt.

    I'm not going to tell you I don't miss my dad. I do. BUT, I often strongly feel his presence with me. I think he spends a fair amount of time "riding shotgun." I've even been known to talk to him. That helps me.

    I often listen to the Christian radio station in the car. I find it uplifting, and I need that! Given that, I'm surprised I've not heard of this group. The first song (Multiplied) made me think of Mumford and Sons because their "sound" was similar. However, I didn't notice that so much in the other two songs, so maybe it's just that one.

    Here's one I'm really partial to right now:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maT4phfTXR4

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    1. Oh Robin, i love this song too. I sing it all the time around the house. Its one of those that stick in your head but the message is so great. Very upbeat.
      I think its still too soon to feel Dad but i know he will one day be at my side. Oh i miss him so much!

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  9. Sending you my love and big {{{HUGS}}} My heart aches for you. Sorry to hear about Todd's gallbladder. Glad that is behind him. I can only imagine how much you miss your Daddy because I know how much I love my dad. I wish I could take your pain away. Please know that I care. xoxo

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    1. Your words are so sweet and i wish you could take my pain away for me too if only for an hour. Its so deep though, it hurts and i wouldn't want others to feel that.
      XOXO

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  10. January is a peculiar month. Sorry to hear of your loss. My father's birthday is in January--he left us 25 years ago. This year January came and went and I seemed to barely notice its passing.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Yes I'm thinking of boycotting all future January's now.
      I am sorry for the loss of your father too. I pray to get where you are and to barely notice such anniversaries as they approach. Right now its just too strong.

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