Love Reunited and it hurts so bad

Ok, I am going to try to make this post as legible as possible.  My heart is broken in a million pieces and i'm still numb.  My precious sweet Nanny passed away on Monday , February 25. Now, do you want to hear something I couldn't begin to make up in this universe? My grandpa Poppy - her husband- passed away on February 25, 22 years ago.  So YES, they both died on the exact same day but years apart.
So I cant remember if I had mentioned that this last year since September, we had to go to Hell and back to try to get her approved for Medicaid. She had gotten really sick in September and the Dr's wouldn't release her to live alone again. So Nanny went into a rehab for 4 months and it was wonderful. Then they couldn't keep her forever so she had to move next door into the adjacent nursing home. We really wanted her to go to the assisted living center that was in near her hometown and that's when the battle began with Medicaid to approve her assisted living. She got approved during the Federal shutdown which meant her paperwork got pushed aside.  Fast forward and 4 weeks ago, she got approved and moved into her new place. Nanny was so excited and that's what gave her something to look forward to the whole time she was in the nursing home.  My uncle and his wife got her new place decorated with all the things she wanted from her apartment  and looking good.
My cousin and my nieces were going to ride with me and we were going to visit her and see her new place this past Saturday.  Then Friday, she wasn't feeling very well and had thrown up.  We thought just a bug or virus.  A home health nurse came by and her blood pressure was very low so she thought it would be good idea to send her to hospital to check all her vitals to be safe.  They ended up putting her in ICU because of her age.  That's when they realized her kidneys weren't functioning at all and she had pneumonia.  Her only option to survive this was to go through dialysis. She had done that a few times before and it was really hard on her. She hated it !!  Nanny called it the morgue because it was really cold when they would take her for dialysis. She said she would never do that again so she refused.  And that's when we knew she wouldn't be going home.
She was moved into a beautiful hospice center Sunday afternoon so she could pass with dignity and peace and not a ugly scary sterile hospital room with wires and beeps and people poking and prodding her every minute.  I'll have to do another post on the hospice place because it was so great!!
Of course, no one even Dr's can say when she will Go but they estimated her lasting a few days. I KNEW in my heart that GOD would take her Monday knowing what day it was.  How could he not?!!  It was the anniversary of her losing the love of her life.  I prayed for it.  The waiting is the most excruciating part. Its when I get selfish and impatient. If I cant have her, then please take her now.  And so HE did.
My grandparents were very involved in motorcycle clubs. They had lots of matching outfits and were all so dang cute!! She rode with him for so many years.  We imagined Poppy on his Harley , engine on, revving it up waiting for her to jump on the back and take her for the Ride of her Life through the streets of Heaven.
I will have more to say because I have years and years of stories about my sweet precious Nanny. She was our matriarch and we are very lost without her.  I am grateful for her 91 years and I could have never imagined her leaving us on the day that was already so hard for us but I take comfort that she's with Poppy.

Can I just point out how smoking hot she was!!  The OG Biker chick!

Meant for me

Hey there, hope everyone had a great weekend. As mentioned last week, I knew this weekend would be hard and emotional and it was. I want to share something very special though that happened to me on Friday. I was working from home in my messy office and I was trying to clear some things that I knew had a place to go other than on top of the bed. My office bed is the Catch all for everything if I go shopping, thrifting, or crafting. It looked like a tornado hit my room during the holidays.
I had bought a leather bound journal a few months ago from either a thrift store or a garage sale. I don't remember where I got it. I do remember flipping through it to see if there were a lot of pages already used. I also clearly remember flipping through a few other times to just make sure I didn't miss anything and thinking to myself- this is brand new /never used.
So fast forward a few months, this journal has been laying on my bed under many layers of Christmas and Halloween stuff, etc.  On Friday afternoon, I picked up the journal and untied the leather piece and opened it from the beginning of the book. That's where I saw only one page written in it , from front to back and it was dated June 29, 2011.  I read the journal entry and began sobbing afterwards.
It appears to be written by a young boy who has also lost their father.
First of all, had I seen the entry first at garage sale or thrift store, I would have totally still bought it on the spot because it would have spoke to me!
I just really genuinely BELIEVE that it was meant for me to read at that random hour alone in my office while I was grieving the loss and anniversary of my Dad's death.  I didn't feel so alone . I know that so many have lost loved ones . My mind was blown to come across this during this time and it was so special.  I like to think that Dad had a hand in this and it was his way of reaching out to me...

I am better today. In fact, Saturday night after mass with stepmom, we went to have dinner at restaurant where I had not been back to since Dad passed. I had only been twice and each time was with his him so it was just hard to go into.  Now that I broke the ice, we can go again .  Thank you for the sweet comments and support.