Into March

February is gone and I don't miss it at all.  February 25 was the one year anniversary of my grandma passing and 23 years that my grandpa died.  I miss Nanny so much!! I posted about her often . She raised me more than my mom did. She was my world.  I never really had time to grieve her passing when my marriage fell apart and took over my feelings.
I have been doing OK trying to stay busy and get back into a "normal" routine.  Then the last 2 weeks, the dark cloud came back and I was severely depressed. Had another anxiety attack last week that was awful.  Sucks so bad yall!! I hate it.  I'm OK today.  I have more good days than bad.
I have been super busy at work which makes me so happy to stay busy and times goes quickly.
I early voted last week, went to Ash Wednesday with some friends and even donated blood at our Blood drive we had at work.
Home ownership is still so fun (ugh). I have rats and/or squirrels in my attic so I had to have an exterminator come by last Friday and plug up any holes they saw and left some traps in the attic.  They really only come in when we have the cold snaps and we had some low temps last week. They brought their friends and I could hear them running all above my head in master bedroom.
My pool is still broke and its a process to try to pinpoint where the leak is.  Its also a very expensive process.  Joy to the World!!
So something I did that was surprising even to me, I went to a gym last week with a friend. HAHA! I had not stepped into a gym in over 8 years.  I got stuck on one of the machines which is hysterical because I didn't know where there was a latch to release the machine to work out your legs. My friend took a picture of me while I was stuck before she helped me get out of it.  I deleted the picture or I would have shared with yall.  I need to get into shape. For so many reasons. Health primarily but now that i'm single again in my 50's- I cant be a fat blob anymore.  I have dozens of gyms around me so I just need to find the one that fits my budget and I feel comfortable in.
I'm still having lots of issues with Blogger.  I still cant reply to your comments which make me so sad because I read all of them. I also cant comment when I visit your blogs.  I feel like a stalker because I see you but I cant reply.  LOL!!  Just please be patient because I've got to get it figured out.

So here is one of my favorite songs on radio right now .  Its a cover song by Five Finger Death punch featuring Kenny Wayne shepherd and Brian May from Queen and Brantly Gilbert who's a country artist.  Its So good!!

Debbie

So last week ( Wednesday)  I had another funeral. This time it was a member of my family.  I lost my Aunt Debbie.  She passed very unexpectedly and a day before her 72 birthday.  She leaves behind my 3 cousins and their kids as well as her husband.  I have so so many fun and awesome memories with her. Growing up she was my favorite aunt because I spent a lot of time at her house. My cousin is only 10 months younger than me so we pretty much grew up together.  Unfortunately over the years, we didn’t see eye to eye on so many things and we were estranged.  I can tell you that it’s a very weird and strange feeling to lose someone that you once were So close to and then not.  I grieve and miss the aunt I had with the fond memories I have.  I hurt for my cousins that lost their mom.   My cousins daughters were very very close to their grandmother and my heart goes out to them .   I am at 3 funerals this year and still only in February. 

The only good part of funerals is seeing your family and one of my cousins lives in London. He just flew home today but obviously we don’t get to see him often and I love every minute I can spend with him.  I got to have dinner with him and family last night and I’ll take what I can get.
Friday is Valentines so of course i'm not looking forward to that AT ALL!! Still going thru many "firsts" as a divorced woman.   Joy to the World!!

Rise above this

Hey there internet friends!  I have posted songs a few times by the group Seether.  Here lately , I’ve been listening to them every day. I was looking up some stuff about them on Wikipedia that lead me down a rabbit hole and discovered the meaning of the song Rise Above This.   The lead singer’s name is Shaun and he has a sister Lucy and  had a younger brother Eugene.  Shaun wrote the song for his brother to help him get out of a depression.  Unfortunately, in 2007, his brother jumped from an 8^th floor window of a hotel that the band was staying at in South Dakota and died.   In 2008, the band made a music video for MTV2 and during the filming, they had to have several takes because Shaun couldn’t stop himself from sobbing. The video portrays a boy who is leaping off a building and when he does, his family all falls down right where they are.  In video, they eventually bounce back up and has Suicide Hotline at the end. 

After learning about this I can totally tell that Shaun’s been crying on the video and it breaks my heart.

This song is on one of their earlier albums from 2007 named Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces.

I know this post is a little depressing but I also like learning about real facts and meaning of songs. I have suffered from a lot of depression lately and I listen to this song a lot.  Thought you may find it interesting too . They write the majority of their songs even though many years ago they did cover the song Careless Whisper by George Michaels and it did very well. 

Their last album was released in 2017 and I really wish they would release a new one.  I saw them in concert last May and so glad I did.

A few bumps

Hey there Blogger peeps!  I didn't realize its been 13 days since my last post until today.  So January has been a sad one for me but i'm hanging in there. I had 2 funerals back to back on December 28 and January 4th, and yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my Dad's passing. Three sad weekends in a row but January isn't over yet. I still have time to have a happy day!  Yesterday I sat on the couch and had a full on Pity party for myself. I ate spaghetti and garlic bread and watched You on Netflix.
We lost an amazing young man from my church (Chad) who was an assistant pastor for us. He died 2 weeks before his 40th birthday from cancer.  He left behind a wife and 3 kids. Chad was a vibrant beautiful soul and it sucks!   His was the first funeral.  My dear friend Shari lost her mom that same week. She was in her 80's and was so sweet. I loved her dearly. She also passed from Stage 4 cancer but hers was very sudden. She didn't know she had cancer until 2 weeks before she passed.  Chad on the other hand battled cancer for 3 years with tons of surgeries, radiation and chemo.
I was dreading this past weekend with Dad's anniversary so I  drove to the beach 4.5 hours away for a few days.  I had not left Dallas and really went anywhere since June when my life imploded around me. I knew that seeing the waves would be comforting and  it was.  I drove to Galveston on Friday and came back early Sunday morning.  I did a lot of crying but it was healing.  I may have to do that more often.  There are beaches in Texas that I haven't been to in ages or ever at all and I should make it a goal to visit some.
All in all, the new year has been a doozy but i'm hanging on.  I still cry everyday yall and I am shocked that the well hasn't dried up yet.  I guess its still part of the process.  I made some dear friends from my DivorceCare class and we try to get together often. I'm so happy I met them.  To have a group going thru same emotions is great. Kinda the whole Misery loves company idea but we build each other up.
My pool is still a scary green swamp and its stressing me out. I have someone coming this Friday to do a pool leak check. Fingers crossed its not serious.  My gut feeling though has been really been nawing at me.
Hope all of you have been having a good year so far.  Talk to you soon.