Hi there! I'm just a woman that looks at life as an adventure. I'm a Texas girl trying to find joy in every day. I'm obsessed with Halloween , I love to go junking, I like to drink wine, and I'm a Harley girl! Thank you for letting me share my stories, opinions, etc.
February is gone and I don't miss it at all. February 25 was the one year anniversary of my grandma passing and 23 years that my grandpa died. I miss Nanny so much!! I posted about her often . She raised me more than my mom did. She was my world. I never really had time to grieve her passing when my marriage fell apart and took over my feelings.
I have been doing OK trying to stay busy and get back into a "normal" routine. Then the last 2 weeks, the dark cloud came back and I was severely depressed. Had another anxiety attack last week that was awful. Sucks so bad yall!! I hate it. I'm OK today. I have more good days than bad.
I have been super busy at work which makes me so happy to stay busy and times goes quickly.
I early voted last week, went to Ash Wednesday with some friends and even donated blood at our Blood drive we had at work.
Home ownership is still so fun (ugh). I have rats and/or squirrels in my attic so I had to have an exterminator come by last Friday and plug up any holes they saw and left some traps in the attic. They really only come in when we have the cold snaps and we had some low temps last week. They brought their friends and I could hear them running all above my head in master bedroom.
My pool is still broke and its a process to try to pinpoint where the leak is. Its also a very expensive process. Joy to the World!!
So something I did that was surprising even to me, I went to a gym last week with a friend. HAHA! I had not stepped into a gym in over 8 years. I got stuck on one of the machines which is hysterical because I didn't know where there was a latch to release the machine to work out your legs. My friend took a picture of me while I was stuck before she helped me get out of it. I deleted the picture or I would have shared with yall. I need to get into shape. For so many reasons. Health primarily but now that i'm single again in my 50's- I cant be a fat blob anymore. I have dozens of gyms around me so I just need to find the one that fits my budget and I feel comfortable in.
I'm still having lots of issues with Blogger. I still cant reply to your comments which make me so sad because I read all of them. I also cant comment when I visit your blogs. I feel like a stalker because I see you but I cant reply. LOL!! Just please be patient because I've got to get it figured out.
So here is one of my favorite songs on radio right now . Its a cover song by Five Finger Death punch featuring Kenny Wayne shepherd and Brian May from Queen and Brantly Gilbert who's a country artist. Its So good!!
Hey there internet friends!I have posted songs a few times by the group Seether.Here lately , I’ve been listening to them every
day. I was looking up some stuff about them on Wikipedia that lead me down a
rabbit hole and discovered the meaning of the song Rise Above This.The lead singer’s name is Shaun and he has a
sister Lucy and had a younger brother
Eugene. Shaun wrote the song for his
brother to help him get out of a depression.Unfortunately, in 2007, his brother jumped from an 8th floor
window of a hotel that the band was staying at in South Dakota and died.In 2008, the band made a music video for
MTV2 and during the filming, they had to have several takes because Shaun couldn’t
stop himself from sobbing. The video portrays a boy who is leaping off a
building and when he does, his family all falls down right where they are.In video, they eventually bounce back up and
has Suicide Hotline at the end.
After learning about this I can totally tell that Shaun’s
been crying on the video and it breaks my heart.
This song is on one of their earlier albums from 2007 named
Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces.
I know this post is a little depressing but I also like
learning about real facts and meaning of songs. I have suffered from a lot of
depression lately and I listen to this song a lot.Thought you may find it interesting too . They write the majority of their
songs even though many years ago they did cover the song Careless Whisper by
George Michaels and it did very well.
Their last album was released in 2017 and I really wish they
would release a new one.I saw them in
concert last May and so glad I did.
I've been leaving my house more. I went to the Blue October concert last month which was my first time to be out on a Saturday night since June. Two weeks ago I went to the movies with my cousin and saw Dr. Sleep the sequel to The Shining. Last Sunday I went with roommate and saw The Joker . Have you see The Joker? I really liked it. Its very dark and intense but so well done! I normally only saw one or 2 movies at a theater a year. I think I just broke my record going 2 weeks in a row.
Last Saturday I went out with 2 other couples from church and went to see an AC/DC band called Back in Black. They are so good and I had so much fun. It was my second time to really be out on a Saturday night at a bar venue with friends and I even had 2 margaritas. Music is always a good way to get me out of house!! I feel like I had 2 hours of the "old me" again smiling and dancing with my friends. Then Sunday- BAM back to being sad and emotional. SIGH.
I am truly dreading the holidays and will look forward to 2019 being over. I've still had so many things go wrong lately around the house, my dogs, etc. It just never ends. I do still plan on making my hashbrown casserole that I do every year for Thanksgiving and I'm joining my cousin and her family. I bought a new Christmas tree today. It's 7 ft tall, prelit and its white. I wanted to do something very different than I've done before. A white tree is a good start. LOL. I may put it up this weekend.
Is anyone traveling this next week and how far? If I don't post next week, have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Zach Williams is one of my favorite Christian singers. I've posted him before with Fear is a Liar.
Here is a song that he did with Dolly Parton. I love it!
There was Jesus:
So remember that stye i mentioned, yeah so i cant make this crap up, It turned into full on cellulitis and my left side of my face swelled. Had to go to Dr and get on 2 antibiotics- one oral and one a cream directly on my eye. A week later, i saw a specialist who then prescribed me drops that i do 4 times a day. Its embedded in my lower left eye and i have to get it sliced out next Tuesday. Its a joy! Last week my AC went out 2 Sundays ago to be exact and the soonest i could have repair was last Friday. So for 6 days it was 85 to 89 degrees inside my home. My pool pump also broke. There was no cooling down in the pool because in the heat with no pump it turns into full on black lagoon. To add was a tight critical deadline at work and my roommate moving in on Saturday.
I can only laugh. I told a friend that at any time i expected the plague of locusts to come and i'm ready. When i feel i like i'm doing somewhat ok, i have a setback or 4. My emotions are unsteady again and that's hard. I still have cried every single day since June 16. I am amazed my body can still produce tears but there is endless supply.
Its October now and i am debating on decorating like i usually do. I have a few things out but i just don't know.... For those who know me understand that i look forward to October and Halloween all year long and i genuinely get depressed on November 1. I canceled my annual HOLLIWeen party. That was hard to do but i just get do it with all i have going on. Maybe next year.
That's all for now. Please send prayers and juju and light and whatever is good my way.
Soooo, I am going to keep it short today. My anxiety has anxiety this week.
My little boy dog Jax is really sick. We have taken him to the vet yesterday and he's on medication but I don't see a lot of improvement. We're going to give it all day today with medication since it was only half day yesterday on meds and then tomorrow decide the next move - probably a full blood check which is very expensive. Yall, I brought him Jax when he was just old enough to leave his mother. He's my little boy and when you see it in his eyes how awful he feels, I break. I've cried everyday. I don't know what he got into and what caused this. My little girl Lila is fine and she's the one that eats dead animals every chance she can and kills rabbits daily. Anyway, I am very very stressed about Jax and would appreciate any healing prayers.
Then to add to the mix, our air conditioner is on the fritz and wont cool down past 78. It was 107 yesterday and the heat triggers my migraines. Crying triggers my migraines. We have someone coming tomorrow between 1 and 7 pm to look at the air conditioner.
I am so much to be thankful for but depression is a crappy thing. I can still sit here and feel sorry for myself even though I have blessings all around me.
I'll mention in later post about my hit and run I was involved in last Saturday. I am Ok and my truck has a long scrap but still!!!! So sucks!
Here is a song that I've been listening to on repeat this morning. I really like it.
Sometimes you hear a song that just speaks to you at the perfect time of day at perfect time of your life that it applies to. Yesterday morning on the way to work, i was flipping channels on radio and came across a station that is fairly new. I heard this song and i loved the lyrics. It was released some time last year in 2015. The singer is Andra Day.
Its called Rise Up:
"Rise Up"
You're broken down and tired Of living life on a merry-go-round And you can't find the fighter But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out And move mountains We gonna walk it out And move mountains
And I'll rise up I'll rise like the day I'll rise up I'll rise unafraid I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again And I'll rise up High like the waves I'll rise up In spite of the ache I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again For you [4x]
When the silence isn't quiet And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe And I know you feel like dying But I promise we'll take the world to it's feet And move mountains Bring it to it's feet And move mountains And I'll rise up I'll rise like the day I'll rise up I'll rise unafraid I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again For you [4x]
All we need, all we need is hope And for that we have each other And for that we have each other We will rise We will rise We'll rise, oh oh We'll rise
I'll rise up Rise like the day I'll rise up In spite of the ache I will rise a thousand times again And we'll rise up High like the waves We'll rise up In spite of the ache We'll rise up And we'll do it a thousand times again For you oh oh oh oh oh [3x]
OK so the first word that comes to mind with letter “D” is
Daddy so i Dedicate this post to him. I recently just lost my precious dearest Daddy in January (12) and I am still struggling with Depression every single day. There are moments that I literally just do
the hard ugly cry and sob within minutes and no warning. (Thankfully most of those moments are when
I’m on way home or already at home from office).
My dad had a double lung transplant almost 3 years ago (July to be exact) and I truly expected to
have another 20 years with him at least.
Daddy was 66 years old and lived life to the fullest.
I miss him so so much. I’m buying my first house and its not
too far from his. He isn’t here to see
that. I need his advice and I have so
many more questions that I needed to talk to him about.
If you still have your Daddy- call him, hug him so tight,
give him kisses and tell him how much you love him.
That's Dad in his Burt Reynolds/Tom Selleck days .
He walked me down the aisle 5 weeks after his transplant.
I used to love watching and listening to him play his guitar. This was one of my favorites he would play. Seven Spanish Angels with Ray Charles and Willie Nelson.
Wow- I totally didn’t expect to be gone for so long. Mom left to go back home to Montana this past
Saturday. I really enjoyed having her
for the last few weeks. Her chronic
illness Lupus really determines our days. There would be 2 or 3 days in a row
each week where her biggest accomplishment would be getting out of bed and
maybe dressed. We had so many things we
wanted to do but never did get to them.
I am so grateful for my job and my bosses who allowed me to work from
home to keep her company and not be alone.
One week I had classes every day and I went into the office the first
part of day but then would come home during lunch hour for rest of the
day. I am so blessed! Just having Mom in the room or the next room
when I was in office was comforting. My
baby brother Jeremy, my SIL Sarah and my nieces Maci and Brynna came down one
weekend to spent time with Mom and the following weekend that came again minus
Sarah. It was so awesome having my family all together. My grandmother Nanny
also came to stay 4 nights with us so she could continue her visit with Mom and
to see rest of the family. My cousin Jadona came over one night when everyone
was there and we had a nice big family dinner. Mom did get to eat out at a few
of her favorite spots before she left so all is good there too. My heart was full and happy that weekend for
sure.
My last post I mentioned walking away from a house that we
had contract on. The inspection showed too many big things that would be very
costly and it didn’t work out. Fast
forward a few days later from losing that house, and Todd found a house he
loved. With the market as crazy as it
is- we literally put contract on the house sight unseen from me. Todd tried to facetime me but the screens
kept switching sideways to upways (?) and I had to hang up. I told him it was
like watching Blair Witch project and I was getting dizzy). I got to see the house the day we had that
house inspected and it’s a GO. There are
a few things on our priority list to be fixed but its basically move in ready
and we are closing in just a few weeks.
Mom was with me when we got to see the house for the first time and I ‘m
so happy she got to see it. Now she can visualize what I’m talking about when
we’re in the house. Oh and we have a pool!! Yippee!!
Now it goes without saying that my stress level is off the
charts right now! Todd is traveling every week now and has been gone for 3
nights almost every week. We don’t have
a single box packed. I did bring home some boxes though last night so that
makes me happy. Baby steps and deep
breaths. I have soooo much stuff to move
that its overwhelming. I tossed it back
and forth on whether I should have a garage sale or not. Trouble is closing is in a few weeks but we
have Easter this weekend so I don’t see much packing being done. I’d rather take time to pack and be ready
then to use 2 days for a garage sale. I can always have a sale at new
house. I have donated tons of stuff on a
weekly basis too so that helps. But, if
I had a garage sale that would be less to move and the money could go towards
the boxes and moving company. Ugh- so
undecided!
So that’s what I’ve been up to. Its very stressful to get all the upteen
million documents to the mortgage company, prep for moving, include family visits
in there, all while working full time job.
Going crazy for sure. I have had a few days of depression but I’m sure
it was stemmed from the stress too.
Have a wonderful Easter this weekend everyone. Todd and I are dividing and conquering this
holiday. He’s going to our church and then to his parents house where my inlaws
and brother n law and sis nlaw will be. I am going to church at my aunts with
my grandma Mimi and stepmom Deb, then having lunch at my cousins house. Its important to spend time with my stepmom
right now. I haven’t seen her much this
last month and this is a first of many holidays without Daddy. Oh and did any of yall catch last Sunday’s TV
special The Passion that was written by
Tyler Perry and in New Orleans? Holy Cow
was that so cool!! They basically told the story while using current rock and
country songs. Amazing!!
Miss yall and I promise I’ll be back one day and my hope
once moved to go back to old self who blogged weekly.
Hey everyone, how's everyone doing? I am doing OK. I can go 2 days in a row now without crying but I still cry on the other days. I'm super busy at work and that has helped a lot! I like staying busy and occupying my time with distractions.
Last week, we celebrated my grandmother Mimi's 88th birthday. We had a nice little party at a restaurant that was centrally located between all of us. We had a big long table in the back room and really had a nice evening. Everyone was there and my stepmom Deb came too. I was so glad she came. She also surprised along with Mimi, my 2 aunts Brenda and Tammy and myself with a wonderful gift for us. She had got a thumb print taken from Dad before they took him away for cremation. There is a place that makes jewelry with the thumb print and on the other side a picture . I love it so much . We all cried of course when we opened it. I've worn it every day.
I forgot if I mentioned to you also the place we were told about that makes jewelry from flowers? At Daddy's memorial, a cousin told us of this place that you send them a box of flowers used from the funeral, memorial, birthday's , etc. They can make rosaries, earrings, belt buckles, a list of stuff. I sent them a box a few weeks ago and it takes about 6 weeks for everything to be ready. My aunt, Mimi and Deb all wanted a rosary. I am getting a necklace and bracelet. I cant wait to show yall when I receive them. If anyone is interested, leave me a comment and I can tell you the website. Its a gal that does it out of Illinois.
Did I tell you that I bought a ticket for my mom to come visit from Montana last month? Well that time finally arrived and she got here this past Saturday. Its sooo good to have her here. Sometimes you just need your Mom and I don't want to even think about her leaving soon. I did book her ticket though to stay a month. Its been since my wedding that she's been here in Texas so she has family to visit. The week after next I will have both my grandma Nanny and Mom here and that will be awesome too! My friend Kimi came by on Sunday to visit Mom and tonight my cousin Jadona and friend Di are coming over to visit. Mom makes an amazing spaghetti so dinner tonight is going to be yummy! Lots of visitors here and there but also she's had time for lots of rest. Remember she has chronic Lupus and not in best health either.
I am working from home this week so I can be with Mom and I am so very grateful to be able to do that. Its been raining and storming the last few days so good lazy days around the house.
I ran out of the sessions that was given to me from EAP for my counseling. I then called our insurance through Todd's job and I got 3 more free sessions. I need to book those soon. I really do enjoy the counseling and not ready to be done just yet. I will admit that they haven't called me ( the counseling office) and were supposed to check through my insurance and call me back and never did. I think I fell through the cracks but I wont blow them off just yet.
So that's it for now. I know my blogging has been sporadic. I want to get back in the groove. I will. Don't give up on me.
So if you were a fan of the band Stone Temple Pilots (STP) , Velvet Revolver, or recently the Wildabouts, then you've heard that the lead singer Scott Weiland died just a few days ago on December 3. Scott had just recently turned 48 in October. He's only 5 months older than me. Unfortunately he had such a tumultuous past and struggles with drugs that his death came as no surprise. When I first read the news, I think either on Facebook or Twitter, surprise or shock was not the word but just huge sadness. His wife swears that he had been clean and sober and that's not what killed him. He died from cardiac arrest. I read that his brother actually died a few years ago at age of 40 due to heart attack. Whether he had taken drugs the night of his death or not, ultimately its what weakened his heart and still caused the damage.
STP was in my constant collection in the 90's and early 2000's then he left the band and joined Velvet Revolver . I LOVED Velvet Revolver. I played their CD's nonstop and knew every song from beginning to end. Scott was with VR from 2003 to 2008. He went back to STP for a few more years when he left in 2013 ( got fired) and started the Wildabouts. He even did a Christmas CD a few years ago and I bought it on iTunes. Its not the best but its not the worst. haha!
Stone Temple Pilots has huge hits like Creep, Plush, Sex type Thing, Vasoline, Interstate Love Song,and Big Empty. I guarantee you know the songs even if you're not familiar with the titles.
Scott was married 3 times and his last wife had only been with him the last 4 years. He has 2 kids.
He was crazy talented and I saw many interviews he did over the years and he idolized David Bowie. Scott liked David's fashion and his creativity.
I know this sounds crazy but I have felt pretty sad about his passing. I guess it would be different if he was the lead singer of a band that I wasn't very familiar with. I just happened to really follow the works of Scott Weiland and loved his voice. The good news is that he is no longer dealing with his demons anymore. He died in his sleep on his tour bus in Minnesota. A pretty peaceful way to do if you ask me. Just sucks that he wasn't with his family.
Here are a few of my favorites. Its hard to choose from so many though.
This is Fall to Pieces with Velvet Revolver. His songs he wrote was from his many times in rehab and getting clean. Lots of his struggles are in his songs. You can totally tell that Slash is the lead guitarist in this band. Duff is also in the band and he and Slash were both in Guns n Roses.
Here's a song called Sour Girl. The actress Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is in the official video but I couldn't find it.
This is Plush
So. In other news, i'm trying to get in spirit and decorate the house for Christmas. I am barely skimming the surface from what I do for Halloween and what I did for Christmas last year. I'm into it but then i'm not. I just do a little every night after work. Have a great week!!
Hey y'all! So did you survive Thanksgiving with your family? Mine was good for the most part. We spent the day with Todd's family and we had good day. That evening we were on our way to my Dads when Todd decided to start a huge fight with me. So rest of the day was ruined but at least there were some good hours beforehand. The bottom line is he's losing his patience with me. He says I've changed and he wants the old me back. I miss the old me too. I called the Dr's from the list given to me and they told me to call back this week. Because of the holidays , most of them were closed most of the week. So wish me luck I get an appointment scheduled. I'm still crying every single day but it's quick and not all day. Yay for waterproof mascara!!
My brother-inlaw married his girlfriend last Monday. It was super sweet and I love her so much! Happy to have her in our family. Friday night after thanksgiving, we went to see Blue October in concert. I bought the tickets in July and I was so excited. The weather has been absolutely terrible this whole past week. It's rained every single day nonstop. We have a lot of flooding around the area. The rain didnt slow down attendance to the concert at all. It was sold out and 3000 attended. I had never seen them live but they're one of my favorite bands.
Then early Saturday morning, I drove back to East Texas to spend the day with Nanny. She looks so good y'all! Her face is healing and besides the small bandage on her nose, you'd never know she face planted into concrete 2 weeks prior. She still having some pain in her arms but nothing like it was. So she's improving there. The only thing left besides her arms healing is getting her dentures fixed. This alone has given me great stress. Do any of y'all have that family member that you'd just rather avoid?
After the accident, my uncle made an appointment for Nanny to get in last week and she would have her new ones the next day. That is if she arrives for her appointment on time. Nanny doesn't drive and never has and my uncle traveled out of state to visit my cousin Lauren. Unfortunately, my unreliable aunt ( who's never been on time a day in her life) was supposed to take Nanny to the appointment. Yep, my selfish narcissistic self- centered aunt was almost 2 hours late. This meant that Nanny didn't get to have her new dentures. I'm getting so angry just thinking about it!!! My stupid aunt caused Nanny to go over a week without teeth. Now you try to get thru Thanksgiving without teeth. Not only that but I know good n well, my aunt would have NEVER stand for not having her teeth a day but it's OK to make her mother go without. It was just heart breaking to see my Nanny go without. It was pouring rain, so she never left the house. I went and picked up 3 containers of soup for her to have from a local restaurant. It made me heart and soul heal to spend the day with her. I'm going again during Christmas. Her next appointment is for tomorrow. I hope my uncle takes her or makes arrangements not to trust my aunt again.
So that's it for the last week.
Paula had a gold Christmas tree and a basket of ornaments. All the guests signed an ornament and hung on the tree. Cute idea!
Thanksgiving selfie with Todd and my step kids. Alli spent the night with us on Wednesday and we had a good time. Took her to get her cartilage pierced again on top of her ear.
Blue October
We put up out tree last night but didn't decorate it yet. That will be this week.
Again, thank you for all of you that stopped by and left well wishes on my blog. Y'all are amazing and I'm so very blessed for every one of you!
One of my favorite songs from Blue October. An old one but i love it.
I made the first step. I called our company EAP line. I get 6 free counseling sessions once i can find a counselor in my area that can take new patients. They are not licensed to prescribe happy pills which is OK. I"m not sure if i am ready to be on Zoloft or any other happy pill just yet. I used to wake up happy naturally. I'm hoping it comes back. If not, i am all about trying something that will help. So i'm close but havent got any help yet.
Update on Nanny, the last few days she felt worse and her face looks really bad. Mostly its still the pain in her arms and hands. They still hurt to touch them and she cant pull up her blanket when she's sitting in her chair. If it doesnt get better, my uncle is taking her to a neurologist to check for severe nerve damage. She's in better spirits as of yesterday and one hand hurts a smidgen less than it has.
I still cry everyday. I havent replayed the scenario over and over like before but it still happens.
Tuesday they tore up my guest bedroom and hallway to fix the hot water pipe that had hole in it. My head is finally not vibrating from all the jackhammering that went on. So loud and they shook the whole house. Now someone has to come and replace the hardwoods and a chunk of drywall they cut out from the wall. Once they do that, i can move all my stuff back into the bedroom. I had to empty that room completely and so i have a clothes, dresser, nightstand, and a million other things you can cram into a spare room all spread out in our den, master bedroom and the other guest room. I cant put up Christmas next weekend until i can get house in order. Ugh!!!
My brother n law and sister n law are finally getting married this Monday. I've called her sister-n-law forever so now it will be official. I am driving to their house in Ft Worth tonight to help with last minute decorations for the ceremony. That makes me happy to have something joyful to look forward to.
This song says it all for me right now and yall know that Matchbox 20 and Rob Thomas are one of my all time faves ever! Unwell
Friends, Your comments from my last post meant everything to me. They made me cry but they were tears of gratitude and blessings. Hey,i'm going to cry anyways so why not over sweet friends.
Believe me when i tell you that your kindness, caring and support really are getting me through my days. I read them over and over and i wonder how did i get so lucky that God crossed our paths.
Thank you!
You guys, this post is going to be depressing. Just letting you know now. I had a horrifying weekend and i cant seem to shake it. My mind plays the worst scene over and over and over and i cant turn my head off. I want to be able to delete scenes from my memory like we can delete bad photos from our phone. My anxiety and stress are off the charts and Todd is calling our insurance today to looking into someone to talk to. What happened to me? I used to be so incredibly strong. I could handle death and sadness and hard parts of life like a strong ship. Now i feel like i am weak. I cry at the drop of a hat and i have very little patience around the house and have been short with Todd.
I drove out to Quitman to spend the day with my 88 year old grandma "Nanny". I try to go see her once a month no matter what. Its a 2 hour drive door to door one way. It was a beautiful day and we started off going to our favorite tea room and having breakfast. Our goal was to find her a new rug for her living room. Nanny loves going to garage sales and we stopped at 3 of them and bought soem fun stuff for both of us. We stopped to get something to drink and we were heading to a store that she likes to go to. It was changing names and having a new Grand Opening and she had lots of coupons. We love going there together. The shopping strip was in an L shape and on the opposite corner of the big store (Bealls now Stage), there was a boutique that we had never been into. We went in and i bought a new t-shirt. As we walked out, i said i would run to the car and throw my shirt in and meet her at the other store. I knew that i would be quick and would actually go meet her and walk with her. There was a lady in the parking lot and as i turned around i saw her gasp and point and i turned i saw Nanny laying flat on her stomach on the concrete sidewalk. Its this next moment that plays in slow motion over and over. I took off running and yelled to a lady to please call 911. She had just done that as i was yelling. Nanny is on blood thinners. This means there is enormous amounts of blood that you cant imagine. Her nose was bleeding very fast and heavy and her mouth and her cheek was bleeding. It was pooling in her mouth and under her in puddles. I couldnt tell if the injuries were internal. There was so much blood. We told her to lay still and let the paramedics move her. She was not unconscious but she was in shock. She could talk to me but barely.
A young man kept staring and i yelled at him to get me a towel. Its funny now because he said Yes thats what i was going to do but he was motionless. I was shaking all over. My mouth was shaking and my hands were shaking. I was doing the silent cry where my body was just shaking violently but not a sound out of my mouth. Another lady had come to sit on ground with us. She saw me crying and she put up her hand and said firmly- calm down ! Jesus has this! (You gotta love small town Texas). What seemed like forever the ambulance finally showed up. The call to 911 was painful. They asked what seems like 100 questions. I know they were doing their job but its like they werent listening to us. They told us to pinch the bridge of her nose to keep it from bleeding. Thats exactly where her glasses tore a chunk off her nose. I shook my head and mouthed to the lady holding the phone- I'm not going to do that! The lady agreed and we told 911 yep we're doing it. The paramedics turned her over and helped her sit up. Then they stood her up and belted her onto the stretcher bed. It was when they belted her that i lost it. The rags and towels laid on the sidewalk soaked in blood. The 2 ladies grabbed me and they started praying. I heard some of the prayers but i didnt take my eyes off Nanny for one second. The ladies were angels and i am so appreciative of them staying with me and praying with me and using their phone to 911. As the ambulance closed the doors, the one lady said she will continue praying for us and she said i'm so glad she's going to be OK and her voice broke. She was strong for me but i think she was also holding her breath too and was so worried. I dont know if i thanked her. I hope i did. I followed the ambulance to the hospital and called Todd. I was hysterical. I just had to talk to someone. He offered to come and get me because he was worried about me driving. I was OK running on adrenaline.
The hospital took Xrays and a Cat scan and they saw nothing broken. She had bit through her lip in 2 places, tore her nose and her cheek. Her palms were bruised and she had a tear on top of her hand. They bandaged her up and released her a few hours later. I took her home but she said her arms and hands hurt very very bad. They hurt to the touch when i reached to hold her hand. I got her home and called my uncle who lived nearby. He is Nanny's guardian and protector. She moved out there to be closer to him ( he's the favorite-lol). She could tell that her dentures on the top were split in half. Sure enough they came out in 2 places. He bought some super glue and had them fixed within an hour. Enough to hold her until she could get new ones. I finally left once Uncle James was there. She wouldnt let me spend the night and she wouldnt go home with him. She just wanted to sit in her recliner and rest.
I had nightmares all night and yesterday morning at 6:30 i replayed the image of Nanny laying face down in blood and i sobbed uncontrollably. I skipped church because my eyes were swollen almost shut and i was still crying. Then my mom called to tell me that Nanny was in so much pain she called Uncle James and said i need to go back to the hospital. Yall- she NEVER willingly wants to go to hospital. Never. That tells me how uncomfortable she was and in pain. Uncle James took her to a different hospital into Tyler and they saw some bone chips around her neck. She has a pinched nerve that is causing the pain in arms and hands. She's home again from hospital. I should have never left her! I should have said stay right here while i run my shirt to car. She has a bad foot that she has to be very careful of steps, etc. The sidewalk just went at a sudden slope and she went down. You could see how it sloped because her foot was still there on the ground. She was finally feeling so good because she had been sick for a while. I know i'm going on and on but Nanny is my love. She is our rock and matriarch of the family. She raised me off and on my whole life. I literally mean this when i say i wouldnt be where i am today without her. I am equally close to her as i am my mom. They both raised me. Nanny is precious and full of love. She is now in so much pain and her face is bloody and swollen and it kills me.
To top things off , i have not mentioned on my blog lately because it was too hard. My dad is having problems with his new lungs and has been in and out of the hospital several times. I cant talk about it right now. I just cant. Our hot water heater pipe busted under the house and i'm currently working from home today so i can pack and move what i can out of my office/guest bedroom. They are going to jackhammer and go through the concrete and hard floors tomorrow. That alone is giving me great anxiety. The floors are over 150 degrees in that room and guest bathroom. It burns our feet if we go barefooted.
So if you are even still here reading this whole post- i am sorry i am the biggest Eeyore Debbie Downer you can imagine. If you know me than you know thats not me. I want to be happy. I want to smile and love life and enjoy every precious moment God gave me. I am blessed but super depressed.
My friends mean the world to me and have been so supportive. I went to the Chris Cornell concert the weekend of Halloween. It was amazing!! He normally doesnt have anyone open up for him on his solo tour but he hand picked this young lady. She was incredible. She just came out on stage and belted out her heart acoustically. I bought the CD and its on replay over and over. Her real name is Christina or something like that but she sings under name Hemming. I wanted to share this song with yall. I love it and its what is getting me through my hours and days.
Some of my friends have seen me cry Some of my friends can tell when I am lying And some of my friends don't know how hard I have tried To make my amends to make up for lost time Some of my friends make fun of my jokes And some of my friends will spend their whole lives broke Some of my friends live on the edge of their seats As soon as they get somewhere they can't wait to leave Some of my friends taught me how to be strong And some of my friends don't know how to be alone Some of my friends I may have just met But they could turn into people that I never forget Some of my friends yeah they drink too much And some of my friends don't know who they want to love Some of my friends keep on breaking my heart Because some of my friends don't see how beautiful they are Yeah and some of my friends are just wasting away And some of my friends are gonna be famous one day Some of my friends they’re gonna leave this town Theyr’e gonna keep on running and never settle down Some of my friends will never know who I am Some of my friends were given more than one chance Some of my friends put me up on a throne The second I fall they run and leave me alone Some of my friends will never know what home is Some of my friends are gonna be married with kids And some of my friends I'll never see again But thank God they were there when I needed them.
Good morning y'all. I am just going to tell you straight up that i am sad. I have a sadness that i cant seem to shake. I may need to go to the Dr for depression because i know its not something to mess with. For many reasons though i struggled with typing that and saying it out loud. I have had so much sadness around me this year . Have you had a year that you had more deaths that you can remember form any previous year? 2015 has been that year for me. It all started as yall remember when i lost my stepdad in January. My dear friend lost her mom in February and then lost her husband 2 weeks ago. We've had yet another big blow. Last Thursday we got the news that a friend of ours from church died suddenly from heart complications. He was only 40. We had just had lunch with him and his mom who also goes to our church 5 weeks ago. "J" loved music and concerts. We sat for hours talking about concerts and we had such a great time hanging out. He had heart problems and had recently started having them again after it being under control for a few years.
"J" was also going through a nasty bitter divorce and yall nothing cant be without drama with her. Ironically, the divorce would have been final this week. Now she gets everything and she moved into his house , changed the locks and stole his car. His mom is devastated and they ( mom and son) were super close. She went to several rock concerts with "J" and they saw each other almost everyday. My heart just aches for her. She has another son who is a few years older than J and he came to church on Sunday with her. Wow, he looks just like "J".
So one of the many reasons i love my church is that its not too big. We mostly know everyone and we are a very tight church community. It was obvious that we all were so stunned and sad about the news when we came to church on Sunday. Our pastor was out of state for a seminar and we had a guest speaker. Our pastors wife was to introduce him to us and say a few words. As she started to pray, she broke down and started to cry and talk about "J" and his family. We all just started crying then but it was good. We needed to address it and stand together and grieve. I was so proud of her for saying what was on her heart and not go along with what was already scheduled in her speech. Our pastor is from Louisiana and so was J. They got together on Sunday's to watch the Saints play.
Tomorrow is his funeral. One thing i am happy about is that the attire is to wear concert tshirts and no suits allowed. There will be some good rock music played because his mom told us on Sunday she's picking out the songs.
I have this trait that i dont like about myself and thats my internalizing others pain. When someone i know has had a loss, i hurt for them and i'm so sad. It affects my mood. I can go along with my day but i have this heaviness on my heart. 2 funerals back to back though is just too much. I feel like death surrounds me. I never thought of myself as a doom and gloom person. I put on a smile and act like all is great. I dont go up to my friends and start talking about sadness. I keep it all in. Until today and i figured i might as well write out my feelings. Its my blog and its supposed to be therapeutic to write it down. I do have my big Holliween party this weekend to look forward to and i am excited to see my friends smiling and laughing. I need that!
There is a cover that has been playing on the radio more recently and its by Shinedown. They are one of my favorite "new" bands right now. I've posted a few of their songs here already. Well they did a cover of Lynyrd Skynrd's song Simple Man. Yall i love it so much. I really really like the way its sung. I should have been more patient and used it for my next Battle of the Bands. Heck, who's to say i wont . I just really want yall to hear it if you havent already. Music gets me through. Hard rock really helps more when i'm sad. This isnt exactly hard but its just right.
I'll be back tomorrow for my results of the battle between Celtic Thunder and The Killdares. Please vote today if you havent already done that either.
I'm going to be OK. I have lots of joyful things to be thankful for and to look forward to. I just have had more sadness than happiness lately.
Last night I was on the couch with my husband just watching TV and I had my ipad in my lap. I read someone's post on facebook about Robin Williams dead and I literally gasped out loud and yelled out to Todd. " Oh NO! Robin Williams died"! We were actually watching the news but it had started before the news came in. Throughout the evening, I was glued to the TV and my ipad (Facebook).
I really am still so stunned that such an amazing loving man is no longer with us. I have a few friends , some very very close to me that is on depression medication everyday. I cant imagine feeling so low that the only good escape that sounds reasonable is to take your life. Suicide and Depression are serious and its not anything to ever take lightly.
My mom and I both own Birdcage. Its our " Go TO" movie that we never get tired off and can watch over and over. We always watch it when we're together and that wont be any different next month when I visit Mom in Montana.
There has been some very touching and sweet moments coming out today from other celebs who knew Robin Williams. If you are on Twitter- you need to read posts from Norm McDonald. Conan O'Brien was visibly stunned and shocked as he was wrapping up his show last night and got the word. He was very respectful and showed class. ( He's normally not one of my favorites).
I remember as a kid watching every single episode of Mork and Mindy. I looked so forward to the show coming on every week. Remember when Mork made a guest appearance on Happy Day's ? Happy Days was another show I faithfully watched along with Laverne and Shirley. Mork wanted to know about men dating women and was asking Fonzi.
Is it silly that I have been sad all day and nearly on the verge of tears over someone in Hollywood? I also think of the St Jude commercials with him in them and how they may not show those anymore.
Here are some of the pictures I've seen and posted on Facebook and Instagram.
What were your favorites? I already said Birdcage but I loved Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting and that creeper scary one he did One Hour Photo and I cant leave out Popeye.
I was in 8th grade living in Coronado when Popeye came out. He of course played Popeye and Shelley Duvall played Olive Oyl. It was such a fun movie at the time which brings back memories.
Do you remember his stand up album? It was a little rated R but it was so funny.
So i'm rambling now as memories keep popping up with all his movies.
Here is one of my favorite scenes from Birdcage.
