Into March

February is gone and I don't miss it at all.  February 25 was the one year anniversary of my grandma passing and 23 years that my grandpa died.  I miss Nanny so much!! I posted about her often . She raised me more than my mom did. She was my world.  I never really had time to grieve her passing when my marriage fell apart and took over my feelings.
I have been doing OK trying to stay busy and get back into a "normal" routine.  Then the last 2 weeks, the dark cloud came back and I was severely depressed. Had another anxiety attack last week that was awful.  Sucks so bad yall!! I hate it.  I'm OK today.  I have more good days than bad.
I have been super busy at work which makes me so happy to stay busy and times goes quickly.
I early voted last week, went to Ash Wednesday with some friends and even donated blood at our Blood drive we had at work.
Home ownership is still so fun (ugh). I have rats and/or squirrels in my attic so I had to have an exterminator come by last Friday and plug up any holes they saw and left some traps in the attic.  They really only come in when we have the cold snaps and we had some low temps last week. They brought their friends and I could hear them running all above my head in master bedroom.
My pool is still broke and its a process to try to pinpoint where the leak is.  Its also a very expensive process.  Joy to the World!!
So something I did that was surprising even to me, I went to a gym last week with a friend. HAHA! I had not stepped into a gym in over 8 years.  I got stuck on one of the machines which is hysterical because I didn't know where there was a latch to release the machine to work out your legs. My friend took a picture of me while I was stuck before she helped me get out of it.  I deleted the picture or I would have shared with yall.  I need to get into shape. For so many reasons. Health primarily but now that i'm single again in my 50's- I cant be a fat blob anymore.  I have dozens of gyms around me so I just need to find the one that fits my budget and I feel comfortable in.
I'm still having lots of issues with Blogger.  I still cant reply to your comments which make me so sad because I read all of them. I also cant comment when I visit your blogs.  I feel like a stalker because I see you but I cant reply.  LOL!!  Just please be patient because I've got to get it figured out.

So here is one of my favorite songs on radio right now .  Its a cover song by Five Finger Death punch featuring Kenny Wayne shepherd and Brian May from Queen and Brantly Gilbert who's a country artist.  Its So good!!

Halloween blues and broken heart

Its been a month already since my last post.  I'm sorry.  My life is hectic and going in too many directions. Unfortunately, blogging is the first to go to the side.  My stye is better. I opted out of not doing the mini-surgery and having it cut out.  The Dr said it will eventually go away and it is.

My air conditioner is still acting up. Its been 2 months at least that I've been dealing with that. I had to have it completely rewired from the outside AC unit up thru my attic.  They're coming back today to fine tune it.  I'll be glad to have it fixed once and for all. 

Halloween came and went.  It is still my favorite holiday but this year was not celebrated as I normally do.  I did put up a few decorations but very little and I put up one of my Halloween trees because it was easy to get to and it stays up thru Christmas.  I did come across a 6ft wolf skeleton that I bought for 75% off which was ended up only 12$.  My friends asked me about it the next day after they saw my post on Facebook and I said my heart may be broken but i'm not dead!!  I am not going to pass up a great Halloween deal like that even though this year it wont get used. LOL .

I only got 3 groups of kids of 10 total for trick or treaters. Its my 4th Halloween at my house and its never good. Sadly, I think next year I'm not going to bother to leave the light on and hand out candy.  My neighborhood doesn't get enough kids coming thru to make it worth it. 

Ordinarily I would be prepping for my junk show which is this weekend. I just didn't have enough time to prepare as a vendor. I'll go by and show my support to my friends but it will be so strange not to be a vendor. I do want to try for the April show though.  So that's it.  Of course a lot more but I cant really talk about.  I've been very blue and my anxiety has come back.   Life is just so hard.

I'm going to try to come back more regularly.  Its not that I don't want to.  I miss my blogging friends so much!

One minute at a time

Stronger- Sara Evans

Oceans

This song gives me strength.  My panic/anxiety has been thru the ceiling these past 2 weeks. I'm still here, barely standing.  I will survive.

Fear

It just keeps getting worse.   I'm struggling.  I am moving through a fog - so numb.  Please please pray for me.