Fat girl cruising

Hey yall, how’s your week going so far? Its been good so far. Todd is out of town and I’ve been just laying low binge watching Grace andFrankie on Netflix.   Have you guys seen this series? Its so funny! I’m only on season 3 and there are 5 seasons so I’m midway through.  Its about 2 ladies who were married to their husbands for 40 years then turns out the husbands are in love with each other.  Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin really do a great job in their characters. I’m not sure how many seasons will continue but I hope to get caught up by end of week.

This Sunday, I leave to go on my cruise with my family.  I’m so bummed that Todd cant go but I’m also looking forward to spending time with my stepmom Deb. My grandmother ( Dads mom) Mimi bought EVERYONE this cruise. She has always loved going on cruises and she and Deb had not been on a cruise since Daddy passed 3 years ago. Mimi is 91 years old and honestly she’s not in the best health condition. This is a big deal for all of us to be together. A few of my cousins cant make it but most everyone is going including all their kids.   We set sail from Galveston, TX and our ports will be Roatan, Honduras, Playa Costa Maya and Cozumel, Mexico.  We’re going on Royal Caribbean which is fun for me because I’ve only been on Carnival cruises.

Truth is I don’t have much “vacation money” set aside because of my Amsterdam trip. This cruise was sprung on the family in March with the dates set for June . I’m totally Ok with just getting off the boat and hanging out on beach for free. I really just want to sit on the sand and hear the ocean.   I do have to be very brutally honest at the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat.  I’ve never really been very close to this side of the family.  In fact, it wasn’t until my Dad had his double lung transplant 5 years ago, that Mimi started being kind to me.  My family is very judgey and into appearance 100%.  One of my aunts is also in the same mean girls club .  Both are very Unforgiving of me being Plus-sized.  My aunt actual told me one time when I was with my ex boyfriend that the reason why we were having some relationship issues is because “he’s probably disappointed in my weight gain and men don’t like that”.  Mimi told me a few years ago that “she just couldn’t get used to me being so heavy”.   SOOOOO, while I should be over the moon excited to go on a free cruise, my anxiety level has been over the moon stressed.  I’m going to start tonight picking out my outfits to pack and making sure they’re as flattering as possible.  I cant cancel now. I didn’t buy the insurance and its non-refundable. I want to go. I want to create new happy memories with this side of the family. I am happy I was included because they’ve had family cruises in the past that I wasn’t invited to.   Its just , I am the ONLY fat family member on this side.  THE ONLY ONE. Not even a chubby kid is in the family.  I know all of you know someone who when they see you- they will literally look at you from top to bottom taking everything in on what you’re wearing and how it looks on you. Well I have a few of those going on this trip.  I love my grandma and my aunts. I want to show them that i have a loving and forgiving heart. I want to have a friendship with Mimi. 

I PRAY it goes well and that I didn’t waste an entire weeks’ vacation to be criticized. I am going with open mind and open heart. I want to come back suntanned and loving memories to share with yall.  One thing is I do make friends easy so I may just have to go find a fun crowd and hang out with them. Haha!  Its sad that I want to ask yall to send me luck and prayers while im on vacation. 

I wish the Blogger app didn’t sink because I could post while on ship but it went away.  I’ll post when I get back. It’s a 10 day cruise so I return home on the 16^th.

On another subject, one of my favorite bands Blue October is coming to Dallas in October and I bought tickets for that this week! YAY!!!!

Take care and have a great week- I miss yall already!