K for Kids

I've posted only a few times on my blog about my having kids. Mostly in the fact that I couldn't have any.  I have a few things going against me in the whole baby department.  It's pretty personal but  honestly now at my age- I have nothing to hide.  To start I have endometriosis, uterine fibroids and uterine cysts , PCOS ( polycystic ovary syndrome )and a tipped uterus.  It just wasn't in the cards for me to bear children.  With all I had going against me, I also had to have some permanent procedures a few years back that sealed the deal such a a tubal ligation and a endometrial ablation. Not to overload with details but I had no choice due to the excessive bleeding and abnormal monthly periods. Surgery was my only option to have a piece of normal life.  

Truth is for the most part I am and have always been Ok with these cards that God dealt. I think I always knew even as a teenager that I may not have kids and so I started at a young age pretending I didn't want them.  I was always going to be a business women and have a career first.  I also had a few long term relationships where neither of my boyfriends wanted children.  It wasn't  until I reached my 40's that being childless started to hurt.  I have a few times a year that I have a pity party for myself and have a good ol ugly cry.  I've pretty much excluded attending any baby showers.  What can I add to the conversations?  Understand though- I am truly genuinely delighted and excited for my friends and family.  I've not once asked why them and not me.  I don't have an ounce of anger or sadness when I hear the news of someone else expecting.  Pinky swear!!  

It's the whole deal of not having someone to pass my possessions too and to visit me at the nursing home. I have a wedding dress that I can't hand down. Silly stuff like that is what makes me sad.  I've lived a very full life up until now and not sure what it would have been like if kids were included.  I traveled a lot more with my job a few years ago and I couldn't have done it with kids. 

The good news is that Todd has 2 kids from his first marriage so I became instant stepmom.  They are teenagers and they are great kids! I have 4 nieces and many friends who's kids call me Aunt Holli.  I am blessed with children that love me and that I can love on whenever I want.   

People sometimes pity me or can't understand why I didn't have kids.  It's no ones business.  I wish others would stop and realize that we didn't ask for these decisions that were made for us- we just learn to live them with and accept them an enjoy life no matter what. Mothers Day gets to be a little harder.  I have friends and family that struggle with infertility and that's who i cry for.  They ache for a baby. I didn't marry until 2 years ago and I'm in my late 40's. I'm sure that had I married at a younger age, I would have a different story.  As for me now, I have 2 awesome furry babies that I adore. 

Have a wonderful day!! I'm currently flying to LA today because I'm training classes all week in our Downey, CA office. My best friend from college lives close by and I'm so excited to visit her. Matter of fact , her 3 kids have always called me Aunt Holli.  

An amazing heartfelt letter from Mom to Stepmom that went viral

I am a stepmom of 2 teenagers. Todd and I have been together almost 4 years and so they were young when we started.  Being a stepmom can be intimidating. I've had a few true Step MONSTERS in my life from my Dad's past failed marriages. I truly genuinely love these kiddos.  The oldest is "C" and is the boy. He's been the slowest and hardest at coming around to accepting me. I believe that he felt guilty for liking me because he's so close to his mom.  When they were with us over the holidays, C and I got along well and I even let him drive my truck. That's a big deal if you knew how much I love my truck. LOL.  Its also been hard because the last EX was not the friendliest and it didn't end well between her and Todd (obviously).  Its been smooth for the most part with the youngest who is a girl "A".  I feel that she understands that I can love her and not try to replace her mom.  I've been in their shoes as I've stated above. I have had amazing role models though with my stepdad Don ( who I just lost a week ago), and my current stepmom Deb who is married to my dad. 
Anyways, have y'all seen this already? A blogger mom wrote this letter to her daughters stepmom.  It is so awesome! It reminded me of how blessed I was that my mom sat next to my stepmom last year at my wedding. 
The letter is written by Candace Curry:

'An Open Letter to my Daughter's Stepmom,' from Candice Curry's blog 'Women With Worth'

To My Daughter’s Stepmom

I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you. I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my daughter. I can almost bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you married your husband. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.

But God has plans that far exceed our own and when my little family dissolved to form two families I knew you would be coming.

In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my daughter would not want you to mother her at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi unattractive and prayed my daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best. Evil swirled in me because I never wanted to face the fact that another woman would mother my child in my absence.

Then you arrived.

When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman.

My plans were foiled.

I realized by the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard as it was for me to meet you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. Why are your ruining my plan?!

I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible and I quickly grew thankful for you. 

You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.

I knew when her daddy and I decided to divorce and live in separate homes there would be times when she would need me, her mommy, and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence. I’m grateful that you have mercy on her teen years and never reject her. She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her.

You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you always check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with her. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text each other to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.

Because of you and your courage to mother our daughter the way that you do, she will be a better woman. She will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.

I don’t see you as a fill in for when I’m not there. You are her mother when she’s with you and when she’s with me. She’s excited to call you and tell you her stories when she’s at my house and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy. I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.

I am extremely aware of what it looks like when a mother cannot emotionally accept her child's stepmother in their life. Gratefulness pours heavily from me that we are able to rise above anything like that and do what is truly right for our daughter. Thank you for being mature enough and respectful enough to co-parent with me.

I promise to always respect your input for our daughter. I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life that have the courage to mother her together. Even though our situation is peaceful I pray that she is never in it, but if she ever finds herself here I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like. 

Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem.

God bless you and I love you.

 

Wasn't that so cool? I can only pray that one day the kids Mom will appreciate the love and effort I really have for the kids.   Have a blessed day y'all!!