Debbie

So last week ( Wednesday)  I had another funeral. This time it was a member of my family.  I lost my Aunt Debbie.  She passed very unexpectedly and a day before her 72 birthday.  She leaves behind my 3 cousins and their kids as well as her husband.  I have so so many fun and awesome memories with her. Growing up she was my favorite aunt because I spent a lot of time at her house. My cousin is only 10 months younger than me so we pretty much grew up together.  Unfortunately over the years, we didn’t see eye to eye on so many things and we were estranged.  I can tell you that it’s a very weird and strange feeling to lose someone that you once were So close to and then not.  I grieve and miss the aunt I had with the fond memories I have.  I hurt for my cousins that lost their mom.   My cousins daughters were very very close to their grandmother and my heart goes out to them .   I am at 3 funerals this year and still only in February. 

The only good part of funerals is seeing your family and one of my cousins lives in London. He just flew home today but obviously we don’t get to see him often and I love every minute I can spend with him.  I got to have dinner with him and family last night and I’ll take what I can get.
Friday is Valentines so of course i'm not looking forward to that AT ALL!! Still going thru many "firsts" as a divorced woman.   Joy to the World!!

A few bumps

Hey there Blogger peeps!  I didn't realize its been 13 days since my last post until today.  So January has been a sad one for me but i'm hanging in there. I had 2 funerals back to back on December 28 and January 4th, and yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my Dad's passing. Three sad weekends in a row but January isn't over yet. I still have time to have a happy day!  Yesterday I sat on the couch and had a full on Pity party for myself. I ate spaghetti and garlic bread and watched You on Netflix.
We lost an amazing young man from my church (Chad) who was an assistant pastor for us. He died 2 weeks before his 40th birthday from cancer.  He left behind a wife and 3 kids. Chad was a vibrant beautiful soul and it sucks!   His was the first funeral.  My dear friend Shari lost her mom that same week. She was in her 80's and was so sweet. I loved her dearly. She also passed from Stage 4 cancer but hers was very sudden. She didn't know she had cancer until 2 weeks before she passed.  Chad on the other hand battled cancer for 3 years with tons of surgeries, radiation and chemo.
I was dreading this past weekend with Dad's anniversary so I  drove to the beach 4.5 hours away for a few days.  I had not left Dallas and really went anywhere since June when my life imploded around me. I knew that seeing the waves would be comforting and  it was.  I drove to Galveston on Friday and came back early Sunday morning.  I did a lot of crying but it was healing.  I may have to do that more often.  There are beaches in Texas that I haven't been to in ages or ever at all and I should make it a goal to visit some.
All in all, the new year has been a doozy but i'm hanging on.  I still cry everyday yall and I am shocked that the well hasn't dried up yet.  I guess its still part of the process.  I made some dear friends from my DivorceCare class and we try to get together often. I'm so happy I met them.  To have a group going thru same emotions is great. Kinda the whole Misery loves company idea but we build each other up.
My pool is still a scary green swamp and its stressing me out. I have someone coming this Friday to do a pool leak check. Fingers crossed its not serious.  My gut feeling though has been really been nawing at me.
Hope all of you have been having a good year so far.  Talk to you soon.

Outdoor stuff

Hey everyone- Happy August!! I cant believe July is already gone and i didnt make a single post the whole month. I have been so crazy busy at work that i have had no time to blog. Its conversion time again and so i'm training twice a day everyday for a few weeks. In fact, due to my schedule, i'm having to take my lunch hour at 10:30 am which is weird for me.
Well, August 5,2011 - i started this blog. I missed my anniversary this year. I should have posted. I dont want to give up blogging. I'm holding on to thought of things easing up eventually.
Its been a sad time lately. My dear friends little boy Ari passed away last month. Todd and i were driving back to Dallas from Houston after attending a funeral for Todds uncle Larry. I started reading Facebook and read post that Ari had passed. I cried and cried and cried. I just really felt that Ari was meant to live and do great things.
Ive been trying to get my patio completed but its still work in progress. I have a few things left to do and it will be done. I got a new obsession over the summer and thats buying old seashell plant holders. Oh gosh i love them! I paid too much for a few of them but i love them.
I also have had fun making doll head planters from old vintage porcelain dolls i've bought from thrift stores. I was going to buy some off Etsy and then thought to myself, i can do this!!
Right now i have a few things i'm looking forward to- we're having an end of summer labor day pool party on the Sunday before labor day, then i have a junk show at end of September and then Holliween of course is coming soon and i am already prepping for that.
I had gallbladder surgery around the time the spring junk show was and i had to cancel because i couldnt lift anything. Im excited for next month!!
Thats all I can manage to post today.  Talk to yall later!  Have a great day.

Too much too soon

Good morning y'all.  I am just going to tell you straight up that i am sad. I have a sadness that i cant seem to shake.  I may need to go to the Dr for depression because i know its not something to mess with.  For many reasons though i struggled with typing that and saying it out loud. I have had so much sadness around me this year .  Have you had a year that you had more deaths that you can remember form any previous year? 2015 has been that year for me.  It all started as yall remember when i lost my stepdad in January. My dear friend lost her mom in February and then lost her husband 2 weeks ago.  We've had yet another big blow.  Last Thursday we got the news that a friend of ours from church died suddenly from heart complications.  He was only 40.  We had just had lunch with him and his mom who also goes to our church 5 weeks ago.  "J" loved music and concerts. We sat for hours talking about concerts and we had such a great time hanging out.  He had heart problems and had recently started having them again after it being under control for a few years.
"J" was also going through a nasty bitter divorce and yall nothing cant be without drama with her.  Ironically, the divorce would have been final this week.  Now she gets everything and she moved into his house , changed the locks and stole his car.  His mom is devastated and they ( mom and son) were super close.  She went to several rock concerts with "J" and they saw each other almost everyday.  My heart just aches for her. She has another son who is a few years older than J and he came to church on Sunday with her. Wow, he looks just like "J".
So one of the many reasons i love my church is that its not too big.  We mostly know everyone and we are a very tight church community.   It was obvious that we all were so stunned and sad about the news when we came to church on Sunday.  Our pastor was out of state for a seminar and we had a guest speaker. Our pastors wife was to introduce him to us and say a few words.  As she started to pray, she broke down and started to cry and talk about "J" and his family.  We all just started crying then but it was good. We needed to address it and stand together and grieve.  I was so proud of her for saying what was on her heart and not go along with what was already scheduled in her speech.  Our pastor is from Louisiana and so was J.  They got together on Sunday's to watch the Saints play.
Tomorrow is his funeral.  One thing i am happy about is that the attire is to wear concert tshirts and no suits allowed.  There will be some good rock music played because his mom told us on Sunday she's picking out the songs.
I have this trait that i dont like about myself and thats my internalizing others pain.  When someone i know has had a loss, i hurt for them and i'm so sad. It affects my mood. I can go along with my day but i have this heaviness on my heart.   2 funerals back to back though is just too much.  I feel like death surrounds me. I never thought of myself as a doom and gloom person.  I put on a smile and act like all is great.  I dont go up to my friends and start talking about sadness.  I keep it all in.  Until today and i figured i might as well write out my feelings. Its my blog and its supposed to be therapeutic to write it down.   I do have my big Holliween party this weekend to look forward to and i am excited to see my friends smiling and laughing. I need that!
There is a cover that has been playing on the radio more recently and its by Shinedown.  They are one of my favorite "new" bands right now.  I've posted a few of their songs here already.  Well they did a cover of Lynyrd Skynrd's song Simple Man.  Yall i  love it so much. I really really like the way its sung.  I should have been more patient and used it for my next Battle of the Bands.  Heck, who's to say i wont .  I just really want yall to hear it if you havent already.  Music gets me through.  Hard rock really helps more when i'm sad.  This isnt exactly hard but its just right.
I'll be back tomorrow for my results of the battle between Celtic Thunder and The Killdares. Please vote today if you havent already done that either.

I'm going to be OK.  I have lots of joyful things to be thankful for and to look forward to.  I just have had more sadness than happiness lately.