Wednesday thoughts

I received the sweetest package today from my work team.  Its a light box with Nanny's name and date on it. It was sent to the office and I started crying immediately when I read the box. I have some thoughtful people on my team!

I've still been on a roll of going through stuff at my home to toss or donate. Last week in our mailbox, there was a flyer that was from a charity north of us and asked for donations to be left on our porch and to schedule a pickup. Man , was that perfect timing for them! I had already packed 2 bags of stuff that I was going to drop off . On Saturday, I spent 4 hours straightening up a side of the garage that needed organized and I ended up filling 3 more bags up. The charity picked up yesterday.  I still have much more to do including another closet. 

We had some severe thunder and rain storms this week and my dogs hate the thunder. They bark back at it which is both funny and annoying. We got woke up this am by some loud thunder claps at 3am so I have very puffy dark circles under my eyes.  I am so tired and seeing an early bedtime tonight!  Todd flew home today from his work meetings so that is always nice too to have him home. 

Lastly, the picture of coffin was from Nanny's funeral. I don't know what prompted me to take it but as I watched each of my cousins who were pallbearers take off their flower and add to the coffin, I snapped a quick photo.  Saturday, as I was organizing the garage section, I came across Nanny's small travel carry case. It had her address label stuck on the side and I burst into tears and cried for a few minutes. I had to pull myself together quick because I had created this HUGE mess around me in the garage and I was doing it alone and didn't have time to allow myself to wallow in grief.  I still feel that a time will come and the flood gates will open up and there will be no quick 3 minute cry. 

I hope yall have had a good week. I'm honestly ready for Friday!  

This has a light inside of the box

5large lawn bags packed for charity pickup

lack of sleep and allergies have caused my eyes to be dark and puffy. I also have no clue how to use eyeshadow!

The pallbearers stuck their boutonniere in the casket 

Celebration of Life for Dad and a Regift

Good morning yall!  Last week was a tough week. I cried everyday and my eyes stayed swollen until this past Monday.  Last Thursday was the day my dad passed away a year ago.  I worked from home so that i didnt have to put on makeup and see anyone.  I cried pretty hard at moments.  I have to share something special with you though.
I sometimes hide precious things that mean a lot to me. My fear is if my house is ever robbed, i dont want them to find everything in my main jewelry box. Does anyone else have irrational thoughts and behaviors like that? ( I was robbed back in high school so there's a story behind my thoughts. I'll save that for another post).  I thought I had lost an amethyst pendant along with my senior class ring from high school. Its been at least 2 years since i had thought i lost them.   While working in my home office ( it's messy) on Thursday , I came across an old wooden jewelry box and of all things to found was that pendant ( along with class ring) Daddy had bought that necklace and matching earrings for me when I was in high school or early college. It was my very first set of "real grown up stones". It was funny because he got my birthstone mixed up with my grandmas. Mimi's birthday is February 17 and mine is May 17.  I can still remember the look on his face as i was opening my gift. He had his big goofy smile and his eyes were twinkling. He was as excited to give me the gift as i was receiving it. Daddy said to me " its your birthstone right? and i replied No Daddy, its even better, its Purple"!  My birthstone is emerald but i think all girls love pink and purple when they're young.   I still have the earrings and i had lost the pendant a few years ago or so i thought.  I can't help but think that was a sign from Daddy for me to find something so special that came from him on the very day i was grieving for him on his death anniversary.   I had shared this story on Facebook that day and one of my friends mentioned that he Regifted it to me. It made me smile and i needed that!  Oh and  I'm wearing my necklace right now with the pendant.

Saturday was the day of dad's party that i was not looking forward to. Quite honestly, i just wanted to put it behind me.  Funny thing is that so many of my family members and friends felt the same way. I ended up having a really nice day. It was emotional yes but it was shared with loved ones. We released 66 balloons ( Mimi had a special larger white one) and we  all read a prayer that Deb had printed out on little cards.  Then we just relaxed and shared stories about Daddy.  There are soooo many stories! Dad was one of a kind and so funny.  My stepbrother got a huge fire going outside in the fire pit and had tons of food and drink. Some of my closest friends came which meant so much to me.  My grandma Mimi was very emotional when she first arrived. She couldnt stop crying and even said she shouldnt have come.  I hugged her and told her that its good to cry on each other's shoulders. She also had a good time and was glad she came after all.   Mimi lost her only sister (aunt Edith) last month a few days after Christmas. In fact her funeral is this weekend.  I was not very close to my great aunt but i'm going for support to Mimi.

I think i've mentioned before how much i hate January right!!

I have lost my hero, my superman, my beacon light

Tomorrow will be one week that my sweet precious Daddy took his last breath.  It doesn't seem like a week already with the funeral and everything else.  It seems like it was just a few hours ago.  I am not OK. I am not accepting this well and NO everything is NOT going to be OK.   This is all one big blur and I don't want to wake up and remember anything.   Last Sunday while at church, I bent over to grab phone out of purse to send text to Deb reminding her that Todd and I were coming over to visit Dad and her after church.  She had already sent me a text saying she was on way to hospital with Daddy.  Todd and I got there a little after noon.  He was in Emergency Room having tests done. He was in pain and his oxygen wasn't good.  That evening his lung doctor came in and said that there was no more they could do surgically or medically.  They could put him on a ventilator and have machine breathe for him ( imagine Christopher Reeves in wheelchair with oxygen) and he would never speak again.  Daddy refused any other options. He said he was tired of fighting and he was ready to go.  I was in the room when this was decided.  I felt like I was in a bubble looking down on someone elses discussion.   We started crying and saying goodbyes. My aunt Brenda was there and she called her daughter to bring my grandma Mimi up.  Any family that was out of state ( my aunt Tammy, her husband, her 2 sons, my stepbrother and stepsister) we put them on speaker phone to say their goodbyes. We thought it might be that night.  In meantime, all mentioned were booking flights and my stepbrother and stepsister managed to get there that evening on Sunday.  Aunt Tammy and Brad came in and got to see him on Monday.  Monday was a very rough day. Daddy was getting morphine shots to keep him comfortable but not on the morphine continuous drip yet.  That started later Monday evening.  The idea was just to keep him as comfortable as possible and or him to stay asleep and wake up in Heaven.  Monday night and all of Tuesday he no longer spoke.  Early Tuesday morning he could shake his head and indicate if he wanted water or need more meds.  I was getting a migraine. I had not left his side but a few hours every morning to go home and change.  Todd would come home to be with the our dogs and I stayed all nights at hospital. I didn't sleep at all. I would look out the windows and pray and hold Daddy's hand.  Todd would pick me up around 5 a m and take me home to shower and change.  Tuesday afternoon more of his friends were coming in to visit. Word was getting around.  We didn't deny anyone a chance to see him and say goodbye as long as they didn't try to wake him.  I stepped out of the room for about an hour and was in lounge talking with Todd and my cousins. I stood up to go to the bathroom and visit Daddy again. I missed being in the room if I was gone for too long.  AS I got out of the bathroom, my stepsister just said my name and I looked in her eyes. I ran down the hallway into his room.  My grandma, Deb and my aunts were all in there crying.  I kissed his head and his hands.   I grabbed my stuff and told Todd to take me home.  Someone had started playing music Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin and it was just too much.  Yall know how much I love music and I like that song but not then- not immediately after Daddy took his last breath. 
Wednesday we spent the day at funeral home getting all the arrangements done.  We had to get the pictures and music together too.  On way home I was feeling really really bad and just thought it was a bad cold from crying so hard. I get upper respiratory infections though very easy so I asked Todd to make me an appointment for CareNow.  They will call you when they're ready and you can wait at home instead of at clinic.  I was there for 2.5 hours and I have pneumonia. I was running 102 fever and was delirious. I am so grateful for Todd. He drove, picked up prescriptions and never left my side.  Thursday was the rosary and memorial at the funeral home.  It was nice and people stood up and shared funny stories about Dad.  Lots of people came from all times of his life.
Friday was the funeral. It was at the catholic church that Deb attends and they got married at.   Once everyone is seated, the priest blesses the casket and says a prayer and we follow the coffin down the long aisle to our seats at front of altar.  It immediately dawned on me that the last time I walked down the aisle of a long way was with my Daddy as he gave me away at my wedding.  I cant shake this. I guess its really messing with my head. I walked with him to get married and 2 years later I walk with his coffin at his funeral.  
Afterwards we had the reception at his house at the farm. We had it catered with BBQ and we had tons of beer, wine and food. It was nice and its exactly what Daddy would have wanted.  And now we are here. Grasping to make sense of what just happened this last week.  I miss him so much I cant breathe. My life feels drastically different.  This was so unexpected.  Part of being a transplant patient is that you go in and out of hospital a lot for tests.  Practically routine. Daddy always comes home.
It doesn't seem real. 

His obit. I had an old picture in my pocket from digging through his pictures. We had to have one real quick to make the paper deadline and so we used this one.  Oh well!

Mark Schmitz went home to be with the Lord on January 12, 2016 surrounded by family and loved ones, our beloved husband, daddy, son, brother & Papa

Mark owned and operated Schmitz Carpet Care and Schmitz Industries until 2005 when he retired to his beloved High Meadow Arabian Farm Breeding and Boarding Facility wherein he remained actively involved.  His passions include horses, animals, antique cars, watching old westerns, motor cycles and spending time with his many ‘Best’ friends.  He will be most fondly remembered by his love of music, zeal for life and never failing sense of humor.  

Visitation will be Thursday, January 14, 2016 at DeBerry Funeral Directors, 2025 West University, Denton, TX 76201 from 6:00 to 8:00 with Rosary said at 7:00 pm.  A Funeral Mass will be held Friday, January 15, 2016 at 2:00 P.M. at St. Mark Catholic Church with Father George officiating.  

He is survived by his wife Deborah Schmitz, his mother Laveta Schmitz, his daughter Holli Myers and husband Todd, his daughter Rachelle Ines and husband Henry, his son Draeger Valencia and Susie, his grand children Paloma and Ava Ines, his sisters Brenda Davis and Tammy Buckman and husband Brent.  He is also survived by multiple nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Mark’s memory to St. Mark Catholic Church Building Fund, 6500 Crawford Rd., Denton TX 76226 or Transplant Service Center, UT Southwestern Medical Center, 5303 Harry Hines Blvd., Dallas, TX 75390-9074.  

He was loved beyond measure and will be missed by many.   Also, he was a ‘Howdja’  rockstar! https://youtu.be/VJCK_OttZxg

 

Winner of the battle-BOTB -Careless Whisper

Hey everyone- thanks so much for your stopping by and voting for this battle between Seether and Ben Folds and Rufus Wainwright.  The winner of the battle is Seether 7-3.  I still have never voted for any of my own battles but if I did , it also would have gone to Seether. I just really love their music and it was fun to include one of my favorite bands in a battle.   In my opinion, Ben Folds would have received more votes if he would have left Rufus out of that song.  I don't doubt that Rufus is a wonderful singer and performer but that exact live performance wasn't strong.

I'm pretty sure I've posted this song before but here's another Seether song that I like.  Words as Weapons:

I've hit the ground running at work. I was out all last week and now I have a few projects and training that have to be done this week and next few weeks. I love it! I love staying this busy and I love actually training classes.  The busy schedule keeps my in check and I don't have much time to cry.  If I do cry its usually in the car on way to work and maybe a few minutes now.  Yall that's an improvement.  I've had my 4th counseling session this week and I only have 2 left that are provided from EAP.  I can tell you that I am glad I made the call and scheduled these.  I've been with my company for 20 years and not once used EAP and didn't even know what it was.  I'm grateful to have resources when I finally realized and admitted I needed them.
I do believe that 2016 will be a better year for me.  Monday was a year that my sweet amazing stepdad passed away.  This time last year I was preparing for his funeral.  I miss him a lot! Its tough also with Daddy being sick again.  Ok I am not going there now sooooo have a great day.

Winner of the Battle of the Bands

Good morning.  This battle was super close and for a while it was a tie. I have never voted on my own battles and thought i was going to have to vote. I received 2 more votes over the weekend and both of those votes helped seal the deal.  The winner of the battle is Celtic Thunder 11 votes to The Killdares 9 votes.  My vote would have gone to The Killdares but it wouldnt have mattered. Which by the way, they are playing this weekend at the Green Elephant if you were in Dallas.  If you were in Dallas though i would invite everyone of you to my Holliween party this weekend. I've been decoration for a month getting ready for it. I'm taking Friday off so that i can wrap up everything. I need to get some bales of hay from Dad and go to Sams. Last year i filled up 2 carts with wine and snacks.
Today is the funeral for my friend "J".  I have my concert t-shirt in the car.  The dress attire for the service is to be no suits at all and everyone in concert t-shirts.  How cool is that?!  I think its great they are staying so true to exactly how "J" would want it!
I am in a CPR class for the next 4hours getting re-certified.  I am on my company's safety committee and our CPR certificate expires next month so we're doing it again.  I dont mind. It will keep my mind busy for hours.
I'm wrapping up today with another one of my favorite songs right now.  Its by Seether who is on my list of faves.  The album was released last year in 2014 but you know how radio will release one song at a time.  Its called Nobody praying for me.  Its explicit because of the word F**K so just giving you heads up.  Skate on by if you're offended by the F-bomb.  It wouldnt be my choice to have it in the chorus but i still really like the song.   The video is intense too. They have a message for sure. They said the video is to have people think for themselves and not the media all the time.

Also real quick, thank you for the positive encouraging and loving comments from yesterday.  You have no idea how much each one of them meant to me yesterday!!!
Have a great day!