Love Reunited and it hurts so bad

Ok, I am going to try to make this post as legible as possible.  My heart is broken in a million pieces and i'm still numb.  My precious sweet Nanny passed away on Monday , February 25. Now, do you want to hear something I couldn't begin to make up in this universe? My grandpa Poppy - her husband- passed away on February 25, 22 years ago.  So YES, they both died on the exact same day but years apart.
So I cant remember if I had mentioned that this last year since September, we had to go to Hell and back to try to get her approved for Medicaid. She had gotten really sick in September and the Dr's wouldn't release her to live alone again. So Nanny went into a rehab for 4 months and it was wonderful. Then they couldn't keep her forever so she had to move next door into the adjacent nursing home. We really wanted her to go to the assisted living center that was in near her hometown and that's when the battle began with Medicaid to approve her assisted living. She got approved during the Federal shutdown which meant her paperwork got pushed aside.  Fast forward and 4 weeks ago, she got approved and moved into her new place. Nanny was so excited and that's what gave her something to look forward to the whole time she was in the nursing home.  My uncle and his wife got her new place decorated with all the things she wanted from her apartment  and looking good.
My cousin and my nieces were going to ride with me and we were going to visit her and see her new place this past Saturday.  Then Friday, she wasn't feeling very well and had thrown up.  We thought just a bug or virus.  A home health nurse came by and her blood pressure was very low so she thought it would be good idea to send her to hospital to check all her vitals to be safe.  They ended up putting her in ICU because of her age.  That's when they realized her kidneys weren't functioning at all and she had pneumonia.  Her only option to survive this was to go through dialysis. She had done that a few times before and it was really hard on her. She hated it !!  Nanny called it the morgue because it was really cold when they would take her for dialysis. She said she would never do that again so she refused.  And that's when we knew she wouldn't be going home.
She was moved into a beautiful hospice center Sunday afternoon so she could pass with dignity and peace and not a ugly scary sterile hospital room with wires and beeps and people poking and prodding her every minute.  I'll have to do another post on the hospice place because it was so great!!
Of course, no one even Dr's can say when she will Go but they estimated her lasting a few days. I KNEW in my heart that GOD would take her Monday knowing what day it was.  How could he not?!!  It was the anniversary of her losing the love of her life.  I prayed for it.  The waiting is the most excruciating part. Its when I get selfish and impatient. If I cant have her, then please take her now.  And so HE did.
My grandparents were very involved in motorcycle clubs. They had lots of matching outfits and were all so dang cute!! She rode with him for so many years.  We imagined Poppy on his Harley , engine on, revving it up waiting for her to jump on the back and take her for the Ride of her Life through the streets of Heaven.
I will have more to say because I have years and years of stories about my sweet precious Nanny. She was our matriarch and we are very lost without her.  I am grateful for her 91 years and I could have never imagined her leaving us on the day that was already so hard for us but I take comfort that she's with Poppy.

Can I just point out how smoking hot she was!!  The OG Biker chick!

Throwback Thursday

It's Thursday YAY!!  I used to never be one of those people that literally counted down the days until the weekend but here lately I am.

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate the most sincere sweetest comments on yesterday's post.  I really wasnt trying to be a Debbie Downer. I'm glad I posted about one of my memory scars though because i realize how so many of you have similar experiences.  I'm learning also that I can't always post with "Pollyanna" attitude.  I do consider myself a half full kind of girl though.  Staying positive is what gets me through. 

On a happier funny tone now, I am sharing with you 2 pictures of me from high school.  I think this might be my sophomore or junior year.  I lived out in the country on land that my great grandmother grew up and lived on until she was 98. 

This is me in my drill team uniform with my most amazing sweetest grandpa of all times Poppy in front of his Harley.  Poppy was Choctaw Indian.  That's where I get my olive complexion from. 

I miss my Poppy so much it hurts! The close up makes my legs look long to me. LOL

These pictures are from me taking a pic from my phone of the originals. I scanned them but they were fuzzy. 

This is after I changed into my normal clothes and our dog Bear wanted to be in the picture.  He was such a good Ol dog.  Poppy's Harley was called the Pink Thing. He won several trophies and was always in bike shows.

One my most favorite songs still today was popular at this time called Safety Dance by Men without hats.  I love the 80's!!

I hope you have a wonderful day yall!! 

My father figures i celebrate

This weekend is Father's Day weekend and we have a busy day planned this Sunday.  We will have lunch after church with Todd's family and celebrate my father in law Bob.  I won the INlaw lottery yall when I married Todd. They are the most cutest sweetest supportive inlaws a girl could ask for.  It will be a double celebration because we are also celebrating my sister n laws birthday that was this week.  We meet at the same Mexican restaurant every time and I have no problem with that at all.  The funny thing is that when I spoke to Daddy last night on what he wants to do that evening, he also wants Mexican food.  I  need to remember to take my Nexium purple pill that day!  So both Todd and I will see our dads for Fathers' Day.   Don't tell Todd but i bought him a new wedding ring since he lost his back in December. I replaced it with a ring from James Avery that i think he will like. He doesn't read this so i'm not too worried. 
The bittersweet part of this day is that its our first Father's Day without my stepdad Don. He passed this past January and I know this weekend is going to be so very tough on my baby brother.  I miss my stepdad and cant believe he's gone. He lived in Oklahoma near my brother so it sometimes just seems that he's out of town and not really gone. 
I've had a few father figures in my life and I am so blessed by every one of them.  My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5 and we lived with my grandparents off and on a lot. My grandfather Poppy was there for me everyday. Its true when I say I was his favorite.  No really I was. I loved to ride the motorcycle with him and I was his shadow. I would hang out in the garage with him for hours while he tinkered on the Harley.  That never changed when I grew up.  Poppy was my hero. I miss him more than anything and he's been gone for 17 years. I can cry right now because its still so strong of a loss.

In high school, my mom wanted to move a few cities over when I was a junior in high school. I was devastated because I was doing really well in school and I had made officer on my drill team. No way was I going to switch schools and start all over again. I had just transferred to that school my second semester of my freshman year. It just so happens that my uncle was wanting to move back to the country where we lived and he agreed to let me live with him so I didn't have to move and switch schools.  Uncle James even bought my very first prom dress for my Junior-Senior prom.  He had 3 sons  and i was like a daughter to him. We had such a great year.  I would come home from school and we would go fishing or even catch an early movie and he's a wonderful cook!! I was so grateful that he allowed me to live with him at such an important time. My mom , stepdad and brother lived less than an hour away and of course i had to check in with Mom every day and i spent most weekends with them. 

My stepdad married Mom when i was 13. He was such a loving man who loved me like i was his own. Don is my role model for my stepkids i have today with Todd.  Don taught me how to do the Texas two-step and the cotton eyed Joe.  He was so patient and laid back which was good when i was a high strung emotional teenage girl! I couldn't ask for a better stepdad in my life. He supported me and encouraged me all through high school and college and everything after. Don was always proud me becoming a career woman and focusing on my job instead of settling down. Don was the only one that didn't harass me about when i was going to get married or have kids.  I miss him so much.

Daddy and i didn't become really close until my junior year in high school.  I always would visit him for a weekend here and there and when i was in elementary school he lived in Colorado. I flew there when i was 7 and spent the whole summer with him. Dad bought me my first car which was a '72 Datsun station wagon stick shift.  I hated that car and it was always breaking down on me.  My summer after graduation i worked for Dad in his office and he would deposit my paychecks in an account and would let me have an allowance. The money saved went towards my allowance when i went to college that fall semester.  It was such a smart idea even though i didn't like not getting my whole paycheck every other week when i was working.  Then when i transferred from junior college to  a university i moved in with him. He was single at the time and lived very close to my school. We got to know each other more and got closer.  Fast forward 5 years after college, i moved to Florida and was engaged to a guy named Jack.  We only lasted 3 years and when i moved back to Texas, Daddy let me move back in with him until i got on my feet.  Mom had moved to Wyoming when i was in college.   The rest is history as they say. I've always lived pretty close to Dad and we have a great relationship.  I couldn't even accept the possibility of losing him when he was so ill with his lung disease. The transplant has been the best thing in our lives!!

The songs i posted remind me of certain times or memories of my father figures in my life.  I hope you have a great weekend and Happy Fathers Day y'all!!!

I have DadS.......

So its Monday already. How did we let that happen so fast? With Fathers’ Day being yesterday, I thought I would say a little something about my Dad’s. First of all I have my main Daddy-O, King Daddy, Dad (Mark) whose name is on my birth certificate. Daddy is the one that underwent a DOUBLE LUNG TRANSPLANT last year and is doing great. To start from the beginning, lets just say that I was a Total OOPS baby! My parents were 17 and 18 and their senior year of high school when they found out Mom was pregnant with me. Nine months later, my mom had turned 18 during the pregnancy and Dad was 19. They actually didn’t get married until I was almost born. This was during the late 60’s. They did their best while only being kids themselves but they divorced when I was 4. My mom was very laid back hippie-chick and basically told Daddy that she wasn’t going to make him pay child support since he didn’t have a solid job back then. She knew that my grandparents would help her out in raising me which is what happened. The divorce arrangement was that Mom would take care of me and all things the first part of my life, Daddy only had to pay for braces and a car when I got my license and help out once I got into college. My parents are not the best of friends but they can also be cordial to each other for weddings , funerals, etc. Everyone gets along and that’s all I can ask for. We were supposed to have dinner last night but Daddy wasn’t feeling good and I told him to stay home and in bed and we will try next weekend. 

 When I was 13 my mom married my stepdad Don. He was the most amazing patient loving step father anyone could ask for. Don truly loves me as his own and treated me as such while I was in high school and college. He currently lives in Oklahoma to be near my brother and they are the tightest father/son duo you will ever see. Right now my sweet stepdad is suffering with some very serious health issues. Don wasn’t even able to make my wedding and I know we would have NEVER missed it if it wasn’t serious. I love him so much and I have been so blessed to have him in my life. One of my most fondest memories was when we would push the furniture back on Friday nights, and we would pick out songs we wanted to hear from his huge selection of albums, and then we would dance around the house. I loved watching him dance with Mom and then he would teach me the Texas 2-step, waltz, cotton eyed joe, etc. ALL of which are mandatory if you’re a country girl here in Texas. 

 I cant not mention my grandpa Poppy! I mention him a lot and its because he was so influential and instrumental in my life. Poppy wasn’t supposed to have favorites when you have grandchildren but it was no secret, I was his partner in crime. I went everywhere with him and I grew up feeling loved and special and that I had someone in my court at all times. He always stood up for me and bragged about me to his friends every chance he could. His friends would say “where’s your passenger” when I didn’t come along on the Harley the rare times I couldn’t go with him. I cry every Fathers’ Day from missing him so much. 

I love it that I now can say I have a Father n law. I absolutely adore my inlaws and I get along so well with both of them. My father n law Bob , is so funny and has the best sense of humor. Yesterday after church, we met them for lunch and my brother n law joined us. Bob is a great listener and looks me in the eye when we talk. I can see where my husband gets his wit from. 

 I’m so very Blessed to have a few Dad’s who love me and contributed to who I am today. Have a great day y’all!!!

Memory triggers- flashbacks

I'm sitting here at work snacking on some smoked almonds and it's funny how a smell, taste , sound or sight can immediately take you to back in time to memory. Just silly but tasty almonds took me to Georgetown, Colorado when I was  7 or 8 yrs old, to the Red Ram Inn with my daddy.  My dad lived there for a few years and that was my first flight on an airplane from Dallas to Denver and I flew alone. Back then , you would have a flight attendant assigned to you to board with you and to see you off the plane. Dads friend was the bartender at Red Ram and we were there often to eat dinner. Hey we're talking the 70's and a single dad.  Anyways, they had a dispenser on the bar that was filled with the smoked almonds. For a quarter, you would get a hand full of almonds. I was the official almond getter once I discovered this.  I never in my life ate so many smoked almonds in a months time. 

I will ALWAYS associate smoked almonds with the Red Ram. 

Funny side note: my mom ended up living in Georgetown 20 years later for a short time.  Both parents living in the same small town at different times is so weird to me. 

When mom was pregnant with my little brother Jeremy, she craved ice cream floats made with strawberry crush soda.  It HAD to be Crush brand and my sweet grandpa would drop off cases of the soda every week for her.  So now I can't see a can of Crush ( orange, grape, etc) without thinking of mom pouring it over bluebell vanilla ice cream. 

The little creamer packets that you see jn a bowl at IHOP or Denny's , those take me to a time my Poppy let me open up at least a dozen of those at a small cafe and drink the cream from them. I was really young then probably around 6 or 7. My sweet grandpa spoiled me just a little.

To this day I am not a fan of whipped cream or cool whip from a bowl or can.  Again I was just a little girl and my great aunt was babysitting me. She let me eat cool whip out of the bowl and then also spray the whipped cream in my mouth from a can. I got soooo sick and have avoided it ever since. 

Corny dogs take me to our Texas State Fair and it has to be Fletcher's . 

There are many many many more examples of my transports in time but I only time right now to name these few. 

Do you have any specific vivid memories that something like an almond takes you to? 

 

This week's Hodgepodge

1. What news story are you following right now? I cant help but watch the news on the shooting in California. Its so sad and unnecessary. We have to pay more attention to mental health people!

 2. What's the last thing you wanted but didn't get? I wanted a Starbucks this morning but decided I’d rather have it on Friday. I can only afford it once a week.

 3. May 28th is National Hamburger Day...when did you last have a hamburger? Other than your own kitchen or BBQ grill, where is your favorite place to go for a hamburger? And for all you non-meat eaters out there...when you're invited to a cookout what is the one side dish you hope is on the menu? I had a few burgers last weekend . When I was in Florida last week, I had dinner at a friends house and she made the most amazing burgers on the grill. The patties were stuffed with either bacon or blue cheese. Yumm! We have a small chain around Dallas called Snuffer’s and they have great burgers. They also have the best cheese fries in town too. I love burgers and honestly we have too many places that have delicious burgers; Fuddruckers, Twisted Root, Club Schmitz, In and Out….

  4. How have your priorities changed over time? I feel the most drastic was getting married. My priorities now have to include my husband and my puppy and I’m ok with that. Being single and self-sufficient most of my life, my priorities would have been more around only me. Age and experience have changed my priorities as well. Several years ago I got laid off for a few months before I was offered an opportunity to transfer to another department. I didn’t handle that well at all and completely freaked out at thought of being unemployed. Going thru this huge merger now, I find myself much calmer and confident than I used to be. My faith is stronger and I feel that whatever happens is in God’s plan and to just do the best I can do every day. 

 5. What's a favorite memory with your grandparents? My grandparents on my mothers side pretty much split the responsibility with my parents on raising me. I have too many memories to count and for that very reason I am so blessed. My grandma (Nanny) is 87 and is amazing. I lost my grandfather 17 years ago and I miss him so much. I had the strongest connection with Poppy and he’s the one that got me on the Harley when I was just a toddler. He took me everywhere with him and I was his sidekick. When I was young, my grandfather would plan our family vacations around his Ruidoso, New Mexico motorcycle rally. My aunts, uncles, cousins, etc would all go get cabins and have the best time. We went exploring, fishing, picked berries, watched Indian dance shows, ate fry bread, rode ski lifts, so much more. I have very fond memories of those trips.

 6. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being fantastic!), how good are you at multitasking? Share an example. I rate myself an 8. I can write blog posts from my phone while listening to conference calls, I can write bills and send birthday cards while holding my puppy and watching TV. I put my home phone on speaker so I can get caught up with my friends and family while also unpacking.

  7. How would you summarize your highs and lows for the month of May? I lost my wedding diamond on May 1 and that was all time low- I moved and had lots of stuff broke and that too was in the lows. I had birthday party at Club Schmitz that at very last minute got switched to Strokers and that stressed me out and some of my guests so that’s low while at same time, I had great turnout and ended up having a blast with those who did show up ( high), I got to travel to Jacksonville where I seriously have some of the most wonderful friends AND got upgraded to beach view hotel room ( high , high, high). Overall more highs than lows so I cant complain. 

  8. Insert your own random thought here. I got a lot of unpacking done this past Monday but I still have so much left to do. I am at the point now that I’m at peace with the fact I cant get it all done immediately and to just take it day by day. I cant believe May is over already. I have mentioned Club Schmitz on numerous occasions and I am so sad that after 68 years of business, they are closing their doors at the end of this month ( this weekend). My dad’s first cousins Bob and Larry owned the bar and are ready to retire. Its on a prime place of real estate in Dallas and are selling the land and getting out while its good. I am happy for them but sad for selfish reasons. I always celebrate my birthday there and we popped in quite a bit for a burger and onion rings. I bought a few t-shirts last weekend when we were in and I got the very last ones. Sad to see a Dallas icon be bulldozed and a place I literally grew up at. Its been on the news and in the papers all month and people have come from all over to go one last time. Its crazy!