Fear

It just keeps getting worse.   I'm struggling.  I am moving through a fog - so numb.  Please please pray for me.

Fat girl cruising

Hey yall, how’s your week going so far? Its been good so far. Todd is out of town and I’ve been just laying low binge watching Grace andFrankie on Netflix.   Have you guys seen this series? Its so funny! I’m only on season 3 and there are 5 seasons so I’m midway through.  Its about 2 ladies who were married to their husbands for 40 years then turns out the husbands are in love with each other.  Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin really do a great job in their characters. I’m not sure how many seasons will continue but I hope to get caught up by end of week.

This Sunday, I leave to go on my cruise with my family.  I’m so bummed that Todd cant go but I’m also looking forward to spending time with my stepmom Deb. My grandmother ( Dads mom) Mimi bought EVERYONE this cruise. She has always loved going on cruises and she and Deb had not been on a cruise since Daddy passed 3 years ago. Mimi is 91 years old and honestly she’s not in the best health condition. This is a big deal for all of us to be together. A few of my cousins cant make it but most everyone is going including all their kids.   We set sail from Galveston, TX and our ports will be Roatan, Honduras, Playa Costa Maya and Cozumel, Mexico.  We’re going on Royal Caribbean which is fun for me because I’ve only been on Carnival cruises.

Truth is I don’t have much “vacation money” set aside because of my Amsterdam trip. This cruise was sprung on the family in March with the dates set for June . I’m totally Ok with just getting off the boat and hanging out on beach for free. I really just want to sit on the sand and hear the ocean.   I do have to be very brutally honest at the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat.  I’ve never really been very close to this side of the family.  In fact, it wasn’t until my Dad had his double lung transplant 5 years ago, that Mimi started being kind to me.  My family is very judgey and into appearance 100%.  One of my aunts is also in the same mean girls club .  Both are very Unforgiving of me being Plus-sized.  My aunt actual told me one time when I was with my ex boyfriend that the reason why we were having some relationship issues is because “he’s probably disappointed in my weight gain and men don’t like that”.  Mimi told me a few years ago that “she just couldn’t get used to me being so heavy”.   SOOOOO, while I should be over the moon excited to go on a free cruise, my anxiety level has been over the moon stressed.  I’m going to start tonight picking out my outfits to pack and making sure they’re as flattering as possible.  I cant cancel now. I didn’t buy the insurance and its non-refundable. I want to go. I want to create new happy memories with this side of the family. I am happy I was included because they’ve had family cruises in the past that I wasn’t invited to.   Its just , I am the ONLY fat family member on this side.  THE ONLY ONE. Not even a chubby kid is in the family.  I know all of you know someone who when they see you- they will literally look at you from top to bottom taking everything in on what you’re wearing and how it looks on you. Well I have a few of those going on this trip.  I love my grandma and my aunts. I want to show them that i have a loving and forgiving heart. I want to have a friendship with Mimi. 

I PRAY it goes well and that I didn’t waste an entire weeks’ vacation to be criticized. I am going with open mind and open heart. I want to come back suntanned and loving memories to share with yall.  One thing is I do make friends easy so I may just have to go find a fun crowd and hang out with them. Haha!  Its sad that I want to ask yall to send me luck and prayers while im on vacation. 

I wish the Blogger app didn’t sink because I could post while on ship but it went away.  I’ll post when I get back. It’s a 10 day cruise so I return home on the 16^th.

On another subject, one of my favorite bands Blue October is coming to Dallas in October and I bought tickets for that this week! YAY!!!!

Take care and have a great week- I miss yall already!

Thanksgiving 2018

Hey there, I just cant believe that thanksgiving week is already upon us!! Seriously it felt like Halloween was just last week ( it could be that I still have all my Halloween decorations up because I haven’t had time to take it down).  I get very excited to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.  I would watch it every year as a kid and never missed it. Then fast forward to when I was a freshman in college, I got to dance in the parade with my college drill team.  One of the most unforgettable moments of  my life!

Then fast forward to adulthood, I think it was 8 or 9 years ago, I went with a friend and was a spectator in the crowd in NYC to see it firsthand.  I still get chills when I see the Rockettes perform and I get so much joy watching the parade.  We’re heading over to the In-laws for lunch and I’ll be bringing my cheesy hashbrown casserole as per tradition.

I am so very thankful for many things! Here is my list:

I am thankful for my husband, my grandmas, my cousins, my mom, my dogs, my health, my job, my church, sweet tea, music, books, my friends, my blogging friends, music, nieces, starbucks lattes, Mexican food, the stars, sunsets, sunrises, my boots, my day planner, cheese, mascara, eyeliner, spray lotion, fuzzy socks, granny’s quilt, long purses, comfy bras, my favorite rings, music, social media.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!! Be Safe and be kind.

 Blue October is one of my favorite bands and this is from their new album. 

I hope youre happy

Letter "E"

I am smack in the middle of packing and moving this week. Bad news is that our closing day got pushed back a day to Friday but good news is that i have all day tomorrow to pack more.  Moving is Exhausting and Emotional and Exciting all at once.  I am not sleeping well and am Eager to get rest soon to have Endurance and Energy to get me through. ! This move seems Enormous and .  I do appreciate all your Encouragement. 
Last night after work, i went home and packed several boxes before we headed out for a nice dinner with a close friend of mine Kathy that was visiting from Wichita, Kansas.  I was so Excited for her to finally meet my husband Todd.  When i've visited Kansas lately, Todd has not traveled with me.  I really Enjoyed our visit and the burger and fries was just Enough to leave with a great Experience at a new restaurant. It was nice to Engage in an evening with fun friends and to Ease my mind for an hour or so without thinking of the move. 

Hope all of you have an  Exceptional Day!


Blue October is one of my favorite bands so here's a song a song with E in it ( Angels in Everything)

Thanksgiving this and that

Hey y'all! So did you survive Thanksgiving with your family? Mine was good for the most part. We spent the day with Todd's family and we had good day. That evening we were on our way to my Dads when Todd decided to start a huge fight with me.  So rest of the day was ruined but at least there were some good hours beforehand.  The bottom line is he's losing his patience with me. He says I've changed and he wants the old me back. I miss the old me too.  I called the Dr's from the list given to me and they told me to call back this week. Because of the holidays , most of them were closed most of the week.  So wish me luck I get an appointment scheduled.  I'm still crying every single day but it's quick and not all day. Yay for waterproof mascara!!

My brother-inlaw married his girlfriend last Monday. It was super sweet and I love her so much! Happy to have her in our family.  Friday night after thanksgiving, we went to see Blue October in concert. I bought the tickets in July and I was so excited.  The weather has been absolutely terrible this whole past week. It's rained every single day nonstop.  We have a lot of flooding around the area. The rain didnt slow down attendance to the concert at all. It was sold out and 3000 attended.   I had never seen them live but they're one of my favorite bands. 

Then early Saturday morning, I drove back to East Texas to spend the day with Nanny.  She looks so good y'all! Her face is healing and besides the small bandage on her nose, you'd never know she face planted into concrete 2 weeks prior.  She still having some pain in her arms but nothing like it was.  So she's improving there.  The only thing left besides her arms healing is getting her dentures fixed.  This alone has given me great stress.  Do any of y'all have that family member that you'd just rather avoid? 

After the accident, my uncle made an appointment for Nanny to get in last week and she would have her new ones the next day.  That is if she arrives for her appointment on time.  Nanny doesn't drive and never has and my uncle traveled out of state to visit my cousin Lauren. Unfortunately, my unreliable aunt ( who's never been on time a day in her life) was supposed to take Nanny to the appointment.  Yep, my selfish narcissistic self- centered aunt was almost 2 hours late. This meant that Nanny didn't get to have her new dentures. I'm getting so angry just thinking about it!!!  My stupid aunt caused Nanny to go over a week without teeth. Now you try to get thru Thanksgiving without teeth. Not only that but I know good n well, my aunt would have NEVER stand for not having her teeth a day but it's OK to make her mother go without.   It was just heart breaking to see my Nanny go without.  It was pouring rain, so she never left the house. I went and picked up 3 containers of soup for her to have from a local restaurant.  It made me heart and soul heal to spend the day with her.  I'm going again during Christmas.  Her next appointment is for tomorrow.  I hope my uncle takes her or makes arrangements not to trust my aunt again. 

So that's it for the last week.  

Paula had a gold Christmas tree and a basket of ornaments. All the guests signed an ornament and hung on the tree.  Cute idea! 

Thanksgiving selfie with Todd and my step kids.  Alli spent the night with us on Wednesday and we had a good time. Took her to get her cartilage pierced again on top of her ear. 

Blue October

We put up out tree last night but didn't decorate it yet. That will be this week. 

Again, thank you for all of you that stopped by and left well wishes on my blog.  Y'all are amazing and I'm so very blessed for every one of you!

One of my favorite songs from Blue October.  An old one but i love it.

A to Z Challenge- Letter "B" not Let Her Be

So my B will be for the band Blue October.  They are a Texas band (Houston) and have had many hits on National radio and MTV.  I love them! Justen is the main singer and songwriter and he's amazing. I've been going through some rough stuff lately personally and his songs really speak to me and I listen to them from my ipod every day.
I've posted about them before because as mentioned they're one of my faves. They're newer album released is titled Sway and its mostly about Justen and the band's new outlook on life. I follow the band and Justen separately on Facebook and twitter and Justen is all about his fans. If someone comes up to him while touring or even just shopping- he stops to pose for picture with them and he mentions them on FB. He really appreciates his fans.
Here are a couple of songs from the newest album:


Bleed out

And this one is Fear which is amazing:

See ya tomorrow.....

Sway

So i'm kinda obsessed with the rock band Blue October who happens to be Texas boys.  Over the years, the lead singer Justen has really had a lot of struggles.  To deal with those struggles he got addicted to drugs and alcohol  and really spiraled to a dark place.  He had a brutal custody fight of which he lost his oldest daughter to his ex-wife or girlfriend several years ago and I cant imagine the pain of that.  Like many anguished singers you hear about, he wrote his best songs that really put the band on the charts for a long time during his hardest times.
Eventually Justen sobered up and wrote a new album titled "Sway".  I think you can tell a huge difference between his sad years of writing to his new happier writing.  I really like the new stuff especially knowing of his struggles. He is now happily remarried and has another little girl that is adorable. I follow him on facebook and twitter in case you're wondering how I know.
Here are 2 songs that I like a lot from both past and present.

This one is Hate Me -

This next one is Sway from the titled album Sway.  Who wouldn't want their special person telling them they want to dance with them because time is precious?!

 

 

Are you familiar with this band? 

 

Have a great Wednesday y'all!!!